"an alternative facts piece of garbage"

Yet again, we start this episode mid-rose ceremony.
In Summary:

• Lee gives us a classic villain moment with a "I'm not here to make friends"
• Dean explains to us the conflicts in the house by strongly implying that Lee is racist
• Kenny yells at Lee
• Rachel gets emotional
• Chris Harrison: "Good going, guys, Rachel is upset and we're going straight to the rose ceremony"
• Rachel sends two guys I couldn't remember existing and Diggy, with the great glasses game and a stellar bowtie, home.

And it's time to leave LA!  Rachel and her 15 boyfriends head to Hilton Head Island in South Carolina.  Dean gets the first one on one date, and he and Rachel get to take a ride in the Goodyear Blimp.  Of course Dean has a fear of heights, but overcomes it for Rachel, even taking a turn driving the Blimp.  They pass by the hotel where the rest of the guys are conveniently hanging out on the balcony, and the Blimp flashes the words "Rachel and Dean are in here" and "Rachel and Dean 4 ever."  Bryan pouts because Dean is 11 year younger than him and is afraid that's what Rachel wants.

In the evening portion of the date, Rachel and Dean sit under a tree amongst a whole lot of handing lights.  Dean shares a sad story of how his mom died of cancer when he was 15 and that his family sort of fell apart in the aftermath.  As a reward for being vulnerable, Rachel takes Dean to a typical bachelor concert where they stand on a platform while a crowd watches them and some b-list country singer croons.

For the group date this week, all of the guys except Dean and Jack Stone go on a boat ride with Rachel.  They have a freestyle rap battle, a push-up contest, and drink a lot.  Peter does the Titanic (I'm king of the world) bit, Rachel has a captains hat, and Josiah boasts about how great he is.  They dock only to find they are all participating in a Bachelor Nation Spelling Bee hosted by Chris Harrison and judged by some 10 year old girls.  It's vaguely entertaining and Josiah wins, only because he is given the word "stunning" while Anthony in second place had to attempt "boutonniere."    He gets a trophy that reads "Bachelor Nation Spelling Bee Champions" which he later drinks alcohol out of.

That evening we find out that Iggy still just wants to incite drama, this time with Josiah and not Eric.  Iggy and Josiah's fight seems pretty tame however, as Lee is determined to get Kenny riled up.  Kenny and Lee go outside to presumably have another heated argument.  I say presumably as we don't get to see what happens for it's time for another To Be Continued to appear on screen.

"It's not about winning, it's about the world, my brother"

We start this episode mid-cocktail party.  DeMario has returned, the men are riled up, and Rachel goes to talk to him.  DeMario makes a speech about making mistakes and how you can't have joy without pain and how he wants a second chance and that he told this to his Uber driver.  Rachel gives him a speech right back telling him he had the opportunity to be honest and that she's glad he learned that he needs to more forward, but "forward isn't that way into the mansion, forward is outside of it.

Rachel greets the rest of the guys.  One tentatively asks, "he's not coming back, is he?" to which Rachel answers with a resolute "fuck no" and everybody cheers.

Back to the party, Jonathan comes to talk to Rachel with ENORMOUS fake hands and somehow Rachel seems to enjoy this and feel comfortable around him.  She then talks to Alex and tells the camera how she's impressed because he was solving a Rubik's cube while they were chatting so that shows he's smart I guess?  But then he can't even finish it!  Anyway, she talks to some more men before sitting down with Lucas as asking him about his side of what Blake has told her.  Lucas says that maybe Blake just doesn't like him because he has a crush on him.  And if that wasn't a weird enough thing to say, he explains to Rachel that Blake watched him sleep while peeling and eating a banana.  Rachel doesn't know how to react to this, so she asks Lucas if Blake finished the banana.  Next, Rachel confronts Blake about it, and his response couldn't have been worse.  He says the claim is just ridiculous because for one, he would never eat a banana since he doesn't eat carbs.  And that Lucas sleeps in a room with like a dozen other dudes, so you probably would have heard about me watching him sleep already.  Note he doesn't actually deny watching Lucas sleep.

Rose ceremony time and neither Blake nor Lucas get roses.  Blake even manages to make his goodbye to Rachel about Lucas.  Some other guy doesn't get a rose either, but I've never seen him before and he doesn't get an exit interview because Blake and Lucas have the dumbest fight ever recorded outside the mansion.  It's so ridiculous, you should just watch it if you haven't yet.  Good riddance to both of them; I really hope they don't go on Bachelor in Paradise.

They've really outdone themselves this season with celebrity fans-
first Ashton and Mila and now Ellen!

Let's move on to Week 3.  The first group date takes Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, and Fred to the Ellen Show.  Rachel tells Ellen a little bit about the guys she brought.  Ellen greets Jonathan by tickling him, and he is never going to live his limo entrance down.  Ellen asks the guys what they think of Rachel admitting she's kissed one of them.  Bryan immediately says she's a good kisser, which Will seconds.  Jonathan asks when it's his turn.  Ellen then makes them all take off their shirts and dance in the audience while women put dollar bills in their pants.  Jonathan, unsurprisingly, is not a good dancer, while Alex seems like he would make a very excellent addition to a Magic Mike 3 movie.  Rachel looooves this, or in her words, "mama was pleased."  Next they play "never have I ever" with Ellen and we learn that Alex has peed in the Bachelor Mansion Pool and claims a nude photo he once sent to a girlfriend was "classy."  Fred, meanwhile, is getting more an more insecure because Rachel tells Ellen how he was a bad kid and he's nervous about how other guys are already kissing Rachel, but, like, he's wanted to kiss her for 20 years.  Let's skip ahead to the evening portion of this date where Fred does get to kiss Rachel, but only after a weird speech to ask if he can kiss Rachel.  This makes him very happy, but that elation is short lived because Rachel sends him home and gives Alex the group date rose.

Pretty tame, as far as dates go

Time for the one on one date this week.  She takes Anthony, a guy we've forgotten exists.  They ride horses down Rodeo Drive while fans yell at them from buses.  They go shopping and buy cowboy boots and hats, but never get off their horses.  It's kind of a weird date, but the evening portion is nice- they have dinner and then dance and make-out in front of a jazz quartet.

I honestly think this week's dates only purpose
was so Rachel could see all the guys shirtless.

The second group date is hosted by Rachel's "girls," Alexis, Jasmine, Corinne, and Raven.  They bring Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric on a party bus to a hokey salon filled with screaming women to mud wrestle.  Kenny the professional wrestler is annihilating the guys, except somehow loses to Bryce in the end.  Before heading off to the evening part, Rachel asks her girls what they think of her men.  They all like Dean, but aren't impressed with Eric.

In the evening, we learn a few things: Kenny was a Chippendale's dancer, Eric is super insecure, and Lee is a real snake in the grass (no offense to snakes).  Rachel gives the group date rose to Eric, though, because he reaaally needed the self esteem boost.

It's the cocktail party, and apparently it's the everyone hates Eric show now.  Iggy, having no real connection with Rachel, stays relevant by arguing with Eric and complaining to Rachel about him.  Lee is way too calm and gleeful about throwing Eric under the bus.  Aaaaand we end this episode with yet another "To Be Continued" after Eric starts screaming at everyone.