Becca and Alls She Want

Fantasy Suite week: the week where all the contestants talk about the importance of having quality alone time, while everyone watching knows they just want to have sex.  Anyway, They are in Thailand and Blake gets the first date.

Becca and Blake go on a hike to a sacred temple, so they can't touch and kiss for most of the date.  At the temple, some monks give them advice about marriage (honesty, compromise, patience, and giving).  They they ring a bell that shares their love and then sprint back to the threshold where they can make out again.  In the evening, Blake tells Becca his fears about her falling for the other men.  She talks about how she felt last year, but doesn't deny feelings for the other men here.  It soothes Blake, so he tells her again how much he loves her and they kiss some more.  She hands him the Fantasy Suite Card, to which he replies, "Uh, Yeah!"  The next time we see them, it's morning and they are cuddling, still in bed.  Blake is anxious that this is the last time he'll be able to wake up next to her.  He feels so strongly, "like no way she has this with any other guy."  It's gonna be hard for him to watch this show...

The next day, Becca and Jason wander around a Thai market.  They weirdly dance in the middle of a street performance, eat crickets, and look at pretty architecture.  Becca has a weird freak out after saying something about the future and tells us she "feels weird" eight dozen times.  Basically she knows he's not the one, but judging by how he's the best kisser, she was probably looking forward to the fantasy suite, but she'd feel guilty about sleeping with him and immediately dumping him.  She has dinner with him anyway just in case, you know, she falls in love with a third guy last minute (she's already admitted to falling in love with Blake and Garrett).  Jason babbles about how great it was to tell his family that he loves her, only for her to tell him she sees a future more with two other dudes.  Jason is crushed, obviously, and Becca goes to cry in the fantasy suite.  She sobs, "like, I literally just did to him what Arie did to me."  Like, you literally did not: Arie proposed to you and planned for the future with you.  You never even slept with Jason; he's going to be ok.

Garrett's date is by far the coolest: they bamboo raft down a river where there is what looks like a bamboo raft party going on plus a bunch of elephants!  They do not seem appropriately excited by the elephants.  Garrett rambles incoherently and tells Becca this journey has made him better at communicating.  They kiss, and Becca hopes to hear "I love you" before the night is up.  She gets her wish.  Garrett hopes Becca is the last girl he "has to say" that too.  How romantic.  They head to the Fantasy Suite which is a tent in a tree house.  The next morning it's raining and they drink mimosas and it looks lovely.

Becca stares pensively out the window in preparation for her rose ceremony when there's a knock on the door.  Jason is back to get some closure and give her a scrapbook of their journey, since what the heck is he going to do with that now?  Becca tells us "the world needs more Jasons" and then takes a boat to the other guys.  Blake and Garrett show up one by one and you can just see the nerves leave their faces when Becca shows up sans Jason.  She still hands out roses, with looong pauses before each name even though there is approximately zero suspense here.

Next week it's on to the Maldives and meeting Becca's family!

"It's real. It's been real."

Half of this episode was JoJo crying and saying "I don't know"

Chris Harrison and his live studio audience are here to present the final chapter of JoJo's Journey to Jordan, I mean, Love.  Journey to Love.   Because it was in no way obvious since night one who she was going to pick.  But before we get to that, Chris shows us Ben and Lauren from last season who are still together and not just there to keep ABC happy since they get their own spin-off but because they really care about JoJo's story.  Some members of the cast of Bachelor in Paradise are also there so it's even more awkward for the people sitting around them when they show a preview of the BiP shit show season.

Finally we get to go to Phuket, Thailand, where Jordan and Robby get to meet JoJo's family.  She tells her family she thinks she loves both of them and "when I'm with Robby, I think of Jordan.  When I'm with Jordan, in the back of my head, I think of Robby."
Jordan gets to meet the family first.  He shows up and gives everyone silly hats and then it's time for questions.  JoJo's mom asks Jordan how he will manage her trust issues.  His answer doesn't seem to satisfy her because she tells JoJo she's worried because Jordan is too similar to JoJo and mom's worried that she's blinded by his charm.  This is the same mom that told JoJo that she had nothing to worry about with Ben for no other reason except she's beautiful.  Then Jordan talks to JoJo's dad and notably does not ask for permission for JoJo's hand in marriage, which will become the scandal of the episode.

Anyway, it's Robby's turn to ingratiate himself with the family.  He kills it: professes his love, asks for the parent's blessing to marry her, and even her dad got choked up.  JoJo's mom tells Robby she's giving him a princess and he needs to "make her the queen of your heart," so that happened.

After he leaves, JoJo sits down with her parents and two brothers and I think her sister, who says nothing and only occasionally appears in a shot, what they think.  They all tell her Robby is perfect.  She gets upset and says she doesn't know and why can't they just pick for her because Jordan's great too.  One of her brothers points out that maybe she really wants Jordan since she keeps defending him.  Good thing JoJo still has one date left with each man to figure it out.

On JoJo and Robby's date, Robby says he wants to get her pregnant like, yesterday.  "You have a heart of gold," JoJo says, and Robby whispers, "you're a heartbreaker" as he leans in for a kiss and FORESHADOWING MUCH?

On JoJo and Jordan's date, they argue about why Jordan didn't ask her father for permission to marry her.  Jordan says it didn't feel right when he didn't know how she felt and there's still another guy in the picture and JoJo cries because why isn't Jordan just doing exactly what she wants so she has no excuse not to pick him.

Both men then meet with Neil Lane and picked out gaudy diamond rings.  Jordan then takes a page out of Ben's books and calls JoJo's parents to ask for their blessing.  He then writes a note to JoJo to let her know.  Robby also writes a note, so we get to see JoJo cry about how hard her decision is even more.

After some montages of the guys starting shirtless and then getting dressed in blue suits while their engagement rings sit nearby, it's time for the final rose.  Robby shows up first to the final rose locale, meaning it's game over.  Luckily, JoJo doesn't make him give his whole speech before interrupting and sending him home.  They both cry, and then JoJo quickly dries her eyes so Jordan can come make all her dreams come true.

What is with all the baskets and urns??

It's time for After the Final Rose.  Chris Harrison sits down with Robby and plays psychiatrist.  JoJo comes out to give Robby some closure and they send him away to bring out Jordan to convince everyone love is real.  Chris then pushes the Aaron Rodgers issue and Jordan does an actually pretty good job of dodging the question.  JoJo and Jordan are throwing around dates for a wedding and Jordan's moving to Dallas since, you know, he's unemployed and he can't become a famous sportscaster if he stays in Chico.

If you're going to miss all the drama, and have missed Chad since he went home, then have no fear, because Bachelor in Paradise will be gracing your televisions for the rest of the summer!