"These donkeys have some sick haircuts"

We return this week to Shawn and Nick's useless bro-fight.  Okay, we get it, you hate each other.  And Nick, if you think being Eskimo brothers with someone is not a good thing, then I have bad news for you because I'm pretty sure you just became Eskimo brothers with your worst enemy.

"Best sleepover ever!"
Ben and Kaitlyn have an overnight date riding horses and staying in a castle.  It's adorable and Ben says all of the right things, including the L word.

Ben is way too wholesome for Kaitlyn.

"Golf is a lot like love..."
Thanks, Shawn, we haven't heard a cheesy love metaphor in a while.  Kaitlyn takes Shawn golfing for their overnight and then, in a one-sided game of truth or dare, makes Shawn run around the golf course naked.  I guess the producers were feeling guilty about the lack of pool parties and gratuitously shirtless men and were trying to make up for it.

Return of the black box.

Over dinner, Kaitlyn brings up everyone's favorite subject: Nick!  She then decides to end the conversation abruptly with the invitation to forgo their individual rooms.  Because kissing seems to be Kaitlyn's (so far successful) strategy to not have to actually talk about anything.

Nick is lurking when Shawn emerges the next morning because apparently he didn't get enough of angry Shawn after his own fantasy suite and they proceed to argue unproductively again, but in Nick's room this time.

Shawn wins the champagne chugging contest.

In a predictable rose ceremony, Kaitlyn cries and sends drama-free, perfect, ridiculously hot Ben home (to presumably be the next Bachelor)  and Shawn and Nick readjust their pants 18 times and avoid eye contact because apparently they aren't allowed to leave.

Next up: Utah for "hometowns," probably so people on the internet can make fun of polygamy.

"I'm totally in love with you.... so, yeah"
Nick has a thousand siblings and his family is very concerned to the point of tears that Nick has made a huge mistake going on this show.  Again.   Nick tries to soothe his mom's worries by telling her that "[Kaitlyn]'s great at making out."  He also drops the L word on Kaitlyn and tells her that they "should make babies someday."

"What the hell's going on.  This is nuts."
We learn that sisters are Kaitlyn's jam because she has 7 of them, and then she actually gets along nicely with Shawn's sisters.  Shawn's dad is quite skeptical of the situation but that doesn't stop Shawn from also dropping the L word to Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn's confused and there will definitely be lots of tears and drama in the finale.

Next week, though, we get a break from the Shawn and Nick hate each other show for Men Tell All!  Are JJ and Clint still together?  Is Ian still a pompous asshole?  Did Joshua's hair grow back?  Has Kupah reevaluated his relationship with fireball?  Has creepy Tony married a bonsai yet?  Has Jared shaved his sad attempt at a beard?  Hopefully we'll have answers, come Monday!

"Why Kaitlyn is falling in love with Nick, I don't understand."

This week we're still in Ireland, but we do get one of those elusive rose ceremonies (and in the 9 o'clock hour too!  We're getting closer to having closure!).  All dates are now apparently in green grassy areas near old buildings.  Let's review:

Ben H. gets a one-on-one.  They play hide and seek, Kaitlyn tells Ben he's husband material, Ben tells Kaitlyn she's hot, and Kaitlyn asks Ben if he's a virgin.  Normal date stuff.

Joe, Nick, and Shawn get a group date.  Joe tells Kaitlyn he's falling in love with her and Kaitlyn breaks up with him.  He is reasonably upset and leaves in a huff and Kaitlyn is sad because she just wanted a hug.  Kaitlyn gives no one a rose but invites Shawn to the night portion of the date to tell him she slept with Nick.  Shawn decides to "man up and deal with it," which unfortunately does not mean he's going to stop being a whiny little bitch or stop hating on Nick "the other guy" nonstop.

ROSE CEREMONY TIME!  Super dramatic since there is no cocktail party (have to switch up something).  Shawn needs Kaitlyn to sooth his feelings before he can accept a rose and then Jared ends up rose-less and goes home and hopefully shaves that beard (if you can even call it that).

Nick gets the first fantasy suite date and Kaitlyn takes him to a pub so they can drink and talk to the locals about relationships.  Then- surprise!- they forgo their individual rooms for the fantasy suite.  Which is in a sketchy jail cell (as a joke of course, but Nick's all, sure, I'll do you wherever).

And then we see something we've never seen on the Bachelor/ette before: the morning after!  Nick is shirtless and Kaitlyn eats bacon.  Nick leaves only to have Shawn come to his room and basically start a fight.  The conclusion of which we have to wait until next week to see, of course.

Oh and Britt and Brady get the credits and NO ONE CARES.  Give us our bloopers back!

And then there were three.