Becca and "The Best Kisser in the Entire World"

We begin Hometowns Week in sunny California; Garrett is from Manteca, a Central Valley farming city that always makes me sing this song.  They ride around on a planter and try to plant tomatoes on Garrett's family's land.  Then they more successfully plant a rose bush.  Then Becca gets to meet Garrett's parents, older sister & husband, and twin brother & wife.  They are all protective of Garrett and don't want to see him hurt again.  They all like Becca though, so Garrett's pleased.

Next up, we go across the country to Buffalo, New York, where Jason brings her to a bar to enter a wing eating contest.  Apparently ranch is NOT a thing in Buffalo.  People chant "eat those wings" and they eat some wings.  People chant "kiss" and they kiss.  Next, Jason takes her to a hockey rink and makes all kinds of hockey/love metaphors mostly about teamwork.  They ride the Zamboni and make-out, I'm sure much to the chagrin of the Zamboni driver.  Jason's is the smallest family we meet: his parents and his brother & brother-in-law.  Jason tells his dad he's falling for her immensely, and follows up with, "it's insane that I'm saying that.  It's wild to think that's coming out of my mouth.  He sings his praises of Becca to his brother, who asks if he's told Becca how he feels (he hasn't, and his brother is like, what are you waiting for?!).  They all like her, Jason tells her he loves her, everyone is happy and supportive.

Another cold place is next: snowy Bailey, Colorado.  Blake inadvertently shares that he peaked in high school while they wander around saying hi to his old teachers.  They have a serous moment where Blake shares that his school fell victim to a school shooting when he was a senior.  To not end on a sad note before meeting the fam, Blake (but more likely the shows producers) has arranged a concert in his school auditorium.  It's Becca's favorite singer, Betty Who (that's not a question, though it kind of is... good thing Becca's favorite singer is concert-on-The-Bachelor level famous).  Then they go meet Blake's family.  They don't introduce the viewers to everyone, but it would appear that this meeting included both Blake's parents and associate step-parents and maybe his sisters?  Blake's mom has a reasonable response to Blake falling in love on this show: "That's crazy.  That's freaking crazy."  Again, though, the family is fairly supportive and are happy if Blake is happy.

Last, and kind of least, since he is the youngest, Colton gets to show Becca around his hometown of Parker, Colorado.  They buy some toys and visit a children's hospital and it's pretty cute.  Becca and Colton both thought the other was great with kids.  Colton then takes Becca home to meet 18 of his family members.  Colton talks about being a virgin with his mom, and talks to his dad about handling things like a man.  It's all kind of awkward, but the family seems to like Becca enough.  Colton admits to being in love with her and Becca says she's falling for him, too.

Back in LA, we get a girl chat before the rose ceremony.  Caroline, Kendall, Bekah M, Sienne, and Tia are back in a contrived situation so that Tia has a opportunity to stir up some drama.  Turns out she still has feelings for Colton.  Becca is frustrated since Colton is, like, sooo hot and also said he loved her, but also she doesn't want to lose a friend.  If only she had three other guys in love with her to fall back on!  Oh wait, she does.

The guys arrive one by one to the rose ceremony where Chris Harrison greets them and walks them in.  For some reason, Colton asks Chris Harrison advice about being intimate in the Fantasy Suite.  Scroll down and read this recap by Sharleen Joynt of Juan Pablo's season for the play by play.  It's pretty funny.  Anyway, Becca arrives, speechifies about how hard this decision is, and sends Colton home.  And no need to feel bad for Colton- he's off to Bachelor in Paradise with Tia waiting for him.

"If you hurt her, I can find you on Google"

Arie meets four girls' skeptical families this week on The Bachelor.

"Kendall is not your average girl"

Arie and Kendall return to LA for Kendall's hometown date.  And since Kendall's the quirky taxidermist, she takes Arie to a warehouse full of taxidermied animals where they taxidermy their own mice, dress them in little wedding clothes, and put them in a Paris diorama.  Arie was a bit creeped out, but pushed through because he might get to sleep with this blonde chick next week in an exotic location.

Kendall then introduces Arie to her mom, dad, brother, and twin sister.  Kendall's mom tells her to follow her heart, Kendall's dad can't give his blessing to Arie, but says if Kendall wants it, she has their support, Kendall's twin, Kylie, thinks it's a problem that Kendall's response to Arie saying he's falling for her was just to kiss her and tells her she needs to tell Arie how she feels.  She does.

"To Airy and Tia maybe"

Next Arie meets Tia in Arkansas, and just in case you hadn't realized she was southern, they raced cars on a muddy track.  Then Tia introduces Arie to her parents, brother, aunt, and cousin.  They've all been surfing the web and grill Arie on being a playboy.  Arie asks the second dad for his daughter's hand, and Tia's dad says he'll trust Tia on that front.

"Is Becca the real deal or are we wasting our time here?"

Moving back west a little, Arie meets Becca K in Minneapolis, MN for some apple picking and talking of a dead dad.  Becca's family are protective, especially Pastor Uncle Gary who took over father figure duties when Becca's dad passed.  Becca's mom tells Becca she'd be sad if she left Minnesota, but just wants her to be happy.  Since dad's not around, Arie asks mom for her blessing.  Becca's mom says she'll honor Becca's choice.  That being said, she tells Arie, "I really like you and you've really done well with my weird family."

"I trust Lauren.  I have to have faith in that."

The last hometown is back east at Virginia Beach.  Lauren B. and Arie ride horses on the beach and toast with crab legs.  Arie is the most nervous about this meet the parents.  He barely makes it minutes into dinner before having to go mop sweat off his brow.  Lauren's dad is a veteran and Arie thanks him for his service and talks about a goodwill tour to Afghanistan he and some other race care drivers went on in 2008 (side note: Lauren was 15 when Arie did this).  This wins dad over.  Asked for his blessing, dad says he trusts Lauren.  And it's four for four of the parents telling Arie their daughters are not for them to give to them!

"Who is he deciding between?"

Back at Bachelor Mansion one last time, Arie has to send one of the girls whose family he told he was falling for them home.  He can barely get the words out.  He pulls Kendall aside to ask if she thinks she can get to engaged in the next two weeks.  She doesn't say yes, but doesn't say no either...  The other three girls are confused and nervous.  They come back and Arie gives roses to Becca and Lauren.  Chris Harrison makes his obligatory appearance to inform the girls of the last rose, which is then given to Kendall.  Arie walks a sobbing Tia out.  Which just rolls right into the previews for next week, which is just sounds of girls sobbing.

"fake boobs, fake asses, and fake cheeks"

Changing it up this year, Rachel gets a Hometown Date!  Which means her family get to meet three men instead of two.  Rachel springs this on the guys who still think Fantasy Suite Dates are next.  Rachel lets them know her sister is very pregnant and can't travel and not-so-subtly hints they should think about asking her parents for their blessing to marry her.

Meet the Family #1: Peter

Rachel takes Peter to a baby store to pick out gifts for her nephew and soon-to-be nephew.  They are super cute.  They head to Rachel's parent's house and Peter pulls her aside before going in to inform her he is falling in love with her.  Then, inside, he gives a speech to the family about how he came to realize he was falling in love with her.  Peter wins over the entire family.  Rachel is concerned he won't propose.  Rachel's mom likes that Peter won't ask for her blessing until he's 100% sure she's the one.  Rachel's the only one who doesn't think Peter is the best.  We see Peter playing with her dog and nephew and ovaries exploded all over America.

Meet the Family #2: Eric

Eric and Rachel go to Union Tower and drink champagne.  Back at the hotel, Peter tells Bryan he doesn't like talking to Rachel's other boyfriend while her other boyfriend is at her house with her family.  Peter does not make it a secret that he dislikes Bryan, and I am here for that.  Meanwhile, Eric is crushing it with Rachel's family.  He's very honest and talks about his difficult upbringing and acknowledges lack of past serious relationship experience.  He gives a pretty heartfelt speech to Rachel's mom about family and love and gets her blessing when he asks for it.

Meet the Family #3: Bryan

Bryan and Rachel wear there matching watches and he gets to meet some of Rachel's friends.  Rachel tells them she thought he was a douchebag (her words, not mine- though I agree), but that has changed, obviously (for her, not me).  Then Bryan meets the family.  They are skeptical of Bryan and grill him pretty hard.  Rachel gets "low-key annoyed" and they tell her she's reacting emotionally.  Rachel's sister tells Bryan it's a little concerning how profusely he expresses love for Rachel.  He responds by telling her he loves her family, and her sister reminds him he's known them an hour.  Bryan gets the blessing to propose, though, but that's because Rachel's mom trusts Rachel's decisions.

Spain

They go international for the last couple weeks of this journey.  Eric gets the first Fantasy Suite date, and they get a helicopter ride and wander and hike on a beautiful Spanish coastline.  They eat dinner in a castle courtyard where Eric tells Rachel how much she challenges him emotionally and loves her and all that.  He get's the Chris Harrison "you may forgo your individual rooms" card, to which Eric says "that guy is awesome."  They go have sex spend some one on one time away from the cameras, and we next see them getting coffee together in the morning.

Peter gets the second date, and Rachel takes him to a winery where get sang to by the wine maker and are given their own private mini wine cellar.  Rachel says she wants a proposal and Peter says he sees an engagement as guarantee to get married and he only wants to do it once.  It's about to get serious when an adorable little girl comes to lead them to stomp some grapes.  And then make out while stomping grapes.  That evening, they revisit the proposal disagreement and the episode ends with Rachel crying.  But in the previews, they show Peter at the rose ceremony, so one can only assume they make-up enough to take it to the Fantasy Suite.

The most dramatic hometown yet!

Baltimore, MD with Eric

We start on the east coast, where Eric invites Rachel to play some basketball- which she enthusiastically does in heels.  A person of undefined relation to Eric (friend? cousin? brother?) shows up to say hey and Rachel asks when Eric last brought a girl home, despite Eric having told her (and us) like a thousand times he's never brought a girl home.  His friend replies, "uh, prom?"

Then Rachel gets to meet Eric's parents and aunts.  They all warmly welcome Rachel and seem pretty tight knit and caring despite Eric's reportedly difficult upbringing.  Eric has a couple of amazing heart-to-heart chats with his parents, who both acknowledge the difficulty of Eric's childhood and admits they may not have been the best parents, but also let Eric know that they do love him and are very proud of the man he's become.  It's surprisingly real and deep for this show, and for once I actually believe that this show can help people grow.  I mean, when Eric was fighting with Iggy a few weeks ago, I was convinced he wasn't mature enough for Rachel, and now I'm totally Team Eric.

Meanwhile, Rachel talks to Eric's Aunt Verna, who asks about her experience being the first black bachelorette.  Rachel talks about how she feels pressure from both sides and that she's just trying to do the same thing the previous bachelorettes have been able to do without so much judging: and that is being selfish and finding the person she loves, which has nothing to do with color.

Before she leaves, Eric tells Rachel he loves her, and explains that that means he really cares about her and Rachel wishes he didn't explain that.

Miami, FL with Bryan

Rachel is obsessed with Bryan, and is excited to be in a place that screams Bryan.  Apparently Miami is "hot, steamy, sexy, and sometimes speaks to you in Spanish."  They play dominoes, eat food, and dance some salsa before going to meet Bryan's family.  Bryan's mom is obsessed with him.  She gets teary eyed when talking about how "a women that separates him from me would be terrible" and tells Rachel (albeit sort of jokingly) that if Bryan's not happy she'll kill her.  I'm really not surprised the mom was the issue with Bryan's last girlfriend.  When Rachel talks to Bryan's sister (?), she uses the word "demise" a lot when talking about how his last girlfriend didn't mesh with the family, which was a little ominous, but Rachel didn't seem to notice.  Bryan of course says "I love you" and if he doesn't win, it's going to be really hard for whoever does win to watch Rachel be all over Bryan all the time.

Madison, WI with Peter

Peter takes Rachel to a farmers market and then to a bar where she gets to meet some of his friends.  We get to see Peter chat with his bros who tell him "don't fuck it up" because of course they like Rachel, because who doesn't?  Rachel meets Peter's family and we get to see him be adorable with kids, which is encouraging to Rachel.  But then his whole family pretty much tell her that he might not be ready for marriage.  Commitment, sure, but marriage, maybe not.  They kiss goodbye, and Peter doesn't say the L word, which is cause for concern in Bachelor world.

Aspen, CO with Dean

Dean and Rachel ride ATVs for some much needed fun before a very stressful hometown visit.  Dean hasn't talked to his dad in two years, and I wonder why he even agreed to see him for the first time on national television.  But he did, so here we go.  His dad has converted to Sikhism after his mom died so they all sat on the floor and he played his gong.  Rachel, being great in every situation, gamely eats the food and smiles and nods, though Dean looks like he'd rather be literally anyplace in the world besides at his father's house spurning a bowl of mung beans.  Dean's dad sends everyone out so the two can talk, and Dean confronts him about not being there when he needed him most.  It was uncomfortable and didn't really resolve anything except now Dean's feelings are out there which is the first step, right?  Anyway, Rachel tries to talk to his dad, which kind of fails, and then she goes and snuggles with Dean who says he's falling in love with her.

Dallas, TX with a Rose Ceremony

Back in Rachel's hometown, Dean gets sent home, which is sad, but look at that face:

I think he'll be okay

Looks like next week, everyone gets to meet Rachel's family, which should be fun!

"Would that be okay with you" is the new "Can I ask for your daughter's hand in marriage"

We start week eight back in week seven- a pattern that is just not going to end this season.  The girls are chilling in their Bimini suite freaked out because Nick is not playing by the rules re: sending girls home at rose ceremonies.

Nick shows up and painstakingly slowly gives a speech to put them out of their misery.  Turns out he's giving them all roses!  The girls are almost giddy with relief.  But, Nick says, "it's a two way street" so he still has to ask them individually in case, you know, the Stockholm Syndrome hadn't actually set in yet.  He even offers Raven a rose although she already got one during the last group date.

For the first hometown visit this season, we head to Hoxie, AL where Raven drives up to Nick on an ATV to whisk him away into the mud.  But, like literally into the mud.  They take a pit stop at a grain bin, which I guess is what Alabaman's call silos, to climb up, because Raven says thats where you have meaningful conversations.  No meaningful conversations today though, because a cop pulls up and yells at them to come down.  He starts interrogating them about if they have their IDs but then, haha, jokes! It's Raven's brother!  I have to say, her brother was a pretty decent actor considering how forced these situations generally seem.  Anyhow, meeting the bro done with, the two have some more ATV racing to attend to before having a water fight and making out in a marsh.

They clean up and head to Raven's parent's home, while we get a voiceover reminding us how Raven's dad got diagnosed with lung cancer a year an a half ago and how she didn't know if he'd make it to meet a guy she brings home.  They sit down and Raven's dad tells her he's cancer free.  It's a pretty big moment for them to share with Raven and some guy who will probably dump her on TV in a couple of weeks.  Raven and her dad then have an emotional conversation where Raven says she would walk down the aisle alone if he died.  Then Nick asks her dad for his blessing, but in a rambling question about if at the end of this he and Raven don't want to say goodbye, would it be ok by dad if they got engaged?  Raven's dad says he trusts his daughter's judgement, so if she's happy, he is.

I think this is how you get weird bacterial diseases?

On to Dallas, TX to be the first white dude Rachel's brought home!  Rachel takes Nick to her church since it's an important part of her life, but also a predominantly black place.  The pastor (reverend? minister?  I'm not up on religious titles, but the guy giving the sermon is who I am referring to) calls out Rachel and welcomes Nick and it's all very wholesome.  Nick and Rachel then talk about how comfortable they are in church and sort of talk about race and how they'd be an interracial couple.

They then go have dinner with Rachel's family and then they all talk about race.  I'm sure they also talked about other things, but this is all we saw.  Knowing that Rachel is the next Bachelorette, this makes sense, as the Bachelor franchise for the first time is going to actually have to talk about real things.  Rachel's sister brings up a good point about how it's great that Nick has no problems with being an interracial couple, but with the climate these days, one has to deal with society as well.  I also liked the moment when Rachel and Nick sat down with her sister and brother-in-law and Nick told them they make them feel comfortable, to which Rachel's sister says, "why, because you all look like us?"  (Rachel's sister is married to a white guy).  Rachel tells her mom she could see herself falling in love with Nick, and despite being the only one who hasn't expressed love for Nick (to him or produces), still seems to be a front runner even though we know they don't end up together.

First race, and now religion: The Bachelor is getting ahead
of itself in bringing up potentially controversial topics!

And for a complete change of pace, we go down to Miami, FL and get a peek into Corinne's world.  Corinne wants to show Nick a typical day in her life, and shockingly, it is not spent at an office running her multi-million dollar business.  They go to an "exclusive" mall.  The retail personnel all know Corinne and even bring her champagne while shopping.  Nick tries on a bunch of expensive clothes and Corinne buys him over $3000 worth of clothes that look similar to clothes I buy at the Gap.  The last time I spent over $3000 dollars on something, it was my graduate school tuition and I had to take out a loan.  Corinne then tells Nick she loves him in a mall restaurant before heading to the penthouse where her family and nanny live.  Before Nick and Corinne show up, we get to see her parents and sister talk about her.  Her sister says "he's older than Corinne, so, like more mature" and her dad says, "strike one, strike two, strike three" and first off, that's only one, maybe two strikes, but sure.  Anyhow, Corinne gets squeals of glee from her family and they all sit down to dinner.  

Raquel serves them food, pours their wine, and then sit down to join them.   It's pretty uncomfortable to watch considering while she's serving them, they are all talking about her and how she was basically a second mom to Corinne.  Corinne also complained that the other girls made fun of her for having a nanny.  Corinne and her dad talk, and her dad is concerned that Nick won't be able to afford Corinne's expensive taste and that she should be prepared for the worst case scenario.  That being Nick is a stay at home dad and Corinne has to work, presumably at her daddy's business.  Corinne's dad brings this up with Nick as well when he does his prepared speech asking for the ok for marrying his daughter.  But after a while, Corinne's dad says "I think Corinne is the lid to Nick's pot," so I guess he approves.

Nick is wearing a $1400 sweatsuit there.

Time to leave the country to visit Montreal, Canada, where Vanessa lives!  And this hometown could not be more different than the extravagant show in Miami.  Vanessa takes Nick to visit the school she teaches at, where she teaches adult's with special needs.  A bunch of students and teachers are waiting to greet them with signs and roses and tears.  It's an emotional homecoming and you can tell how much Vanessa's students care about her, and how much she cares about them.  She and Nick then make a scrapbook of their journey with her students.

Next, Vanessa tells Nick they are going to her mom's and then her dad's separately, since that's how real life would be.  Dinner with Vanessa's mom includes "15 loud Italians" who all care so much about Vanessa, most of them cry during this evening and do not go easy on Nick.  It becomes clear that Nick and Vanessa have not talked about the future and who would move where, which is kind of important.  Vanessa's mom calls Nick out on his response to why he likes Vanessa, as his first answer was about her looks (which is more or less how he answered that question with the other parents).  Then they go to Vanessa's dad's house where Nick does his "would that be ok [if your daughter and I got engaged]" speech, and his dad says he can't and gets Nick to admit, reluctantly, that he's already asked other dads.  They talk some more, and Nick kind of gets the blessing.  Vanessa then finds out from her dad that Nick asked all the girls' dads for permission (emphasis on dads- we did not see Nick asking Rachel's mom for permission since dad wasn't there), and that doesn't sit well with her, but guess what?  We won't know what Vanessa does with these new feelings until next week.

Between her students and family, it's obvious Vanessa needs to
stay in Montreal, so if Nick wants to continue pursuing
TV and modeling or whatever in LA, he really shouldn't pick her.

We end this week with a teaser of Andi showing up with an ominous knock and a "Hello Nick."  Of course, this will amount to nothing more than her giving him advice and good luck.  So, to be continued then.

"Bubbly Little Dumbo"

Yet again, we begin this episode with the end of last episode.  The girls are confronting Nick about Corinne, and a couple of them even confront Corinne.  Sarah tells Corinne she's acting privileged, to which Corinne, who lives with her parents and inherited a "multi-million dollar business," says that she's "not privileged in any way, shape or form."  But because she makes such good tv, Nick is required to keep Corinne on, and gives her the very last rose, just so she knows her time is almost up. Girls who go home are Brittany, because we still haven't learned who she is, and Christen, because she's a virgin, probably.

After the rose ceremony, Corinne says, "I feel like we're all privileged" and then gives a rambling toast while everyone else looks uncomfortable.

And now time for a new day!  Chris Harrison tells they girls they are about to travel the globe with Nick!  First stop: the exotic Milwaukee, WI!!  Which is really only exciting because they get to see Nick's hometown.  First stop for Nick, is meeting with his parents in a Coffee shop.  Nick's mom cries the whole time and Nick's dad says "we don't want to see you on this show again."

They just want this madness to end, Nick!

Nick shows up at a park where all the girls are watching ducks to whisk Danielle L. off on a one on one  date.  The date consists of a tour of all of Nick's old make-out haunts.  They make cookies with Nick's face on them ("Nickerdoodles") and then just happen to run into one of Nick's ex-girlfriends who just happens to be mic-ed up and ready to have an incredibly awkward sit down with Nick and his date.

That evening, they go hang out in a bar, and Nick says he wants to really get to know Danielle L.  He wants to know things like when she last went grocery shopping in sweatpants- you know, the important things you need to know when picking a wife.  Danielle L. does share that her parents got divorced when she was 17 and it was really hard on her.  It made her afraid of marrying the wrong guy and says she doesn't want to rush into marriage.  So she came on a show that might as well be named "Who Wants to Rush into Marriage?"  Then we see why Danielle L. was picked for this date: they go to a country concert and she already has practice with slow dancing and kissing in front of a large crowd.

Time for a group date!  Everyone except Danielle L. and Raven meet up with Nick at a farm.  They're going to do farm chores!  The girls are given boots and gloves and feed cows hay, milk cows (Jaimi unsurprisingly shows Nick up on this chore), and shovel manure.  None of them are thrilled to be getting dirty ("it smells like cows and nature.  Cows and nature smell like poop"), but they all throw themselves into the tasks with enthusiasm.  All except, and now here's a shocker, Corinne.  Corinne is not having it.  In her own words:  "I don't want to do chores, let alone farm chores.  what the fuck is a farm chore?  I don't even make my nanny do farm chores.  Raquel is better than farm chores.  She works for me."  She claims she lost circulation in her hands and sulks around outside. She just wants to eat a taco!  Or sushi!  I think in these scenes, the word poop has been said more times than in every other Bachelor/Bachelorette episode put together.

They do this every season:
no girl who comes on this show is good with dirt!

That evening, Corinne is still complaining about the poop, except she's now drank enough to not be able to keep her "adult" facade on and calls it poopy.  Nick has some conversations with the girls, but we mostly get to see the girls talk about Corinne.  Corinne is starting to think maybe the other girls don't love her.  She gives a speech to the camera: "I'm a corn husk.  You have to peel the layers off and then in the middle is this luxury yellow corn with all these little pellets of information and it's juicy, buttery.  You want to get to that corn.  Nick needs that corn."  Her metaphor is all over the place.  Also, she should take a lesson from Ashely S. from Chris Soule's season about layers- you're supposed to use an onion metaphor, not corn.

Corinne decides to confront all the girls and tells them they should come to her if they have a problem.  They go, sure, here's some questions you "purple bouncy pink house."  Corinne is not happy they did what she said and aired their grievances directly to her.  Sarah asks, "Do you think you're genuinely ready to marry a 36 year old man?"  Which is actually a great question, considering at least five of the remaining ladies aren't technically in Nick's dating pool.  They bring up her napping, which she defends by saying both Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln napped, so THERE.  A few other girls talk to her individually and Corinne straight up won't listen.  "Look, the name of the game is trust no one," Corinne says, and I think she's forgotten what show she's on because the name of the game is actually "rush into marriage."  Anyway, she goes to Nick and tells him she talked to the girls and solved all the problems.  Nick says cool, and Corinne still finds something to throw a fit about: "It was more like an adult convo.  We didn't kiss, which is weird."  I am beginning to believe the fan theory that Corinne is just a kid trapped in a 24 year old's body.

Let's move on to the second one on one date!  It's with Raven, and Nick takes her to his younger sister's soccer game.  Raven also gets to meet Nick's parents.  Nick's dad asks about Raven's name, and we learn that her mom wanted the name Raven, but her dad was like, no way, that's a weird name.  But when she was born with black hair, he said fine, she looks like a raven, name her after a bird.  After the soccer game, Raven and Nick join Bella and her team for some roller skating.  Bella and Raven chat while Nick keeps skating by making faces.  Bella likes Raven and says she really wants a sister-in-law.  Is that because you grew up with brothers and having a sister around would be nice?  Oh wait, you have five sisters, you just want Nick to stop making you go on tv for ratings.

Bella has been involved in this franchise for a quarter of her life.

That evening, Nick and Raven have dinner and skate around an empty art museum.  Raven says it's great both of them have non-divorced parents, as if that gives them a special connection.  They then talk about how Raven's last relationship ended when she kicked down the door to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman.  And just in case it wasn't clear what they were doing, Raven informs us she "know[s] what her vagina looks like."  Raven proceeds to beat up the cheating boyfriend with a stiletto so, uh, now she's here.

The cocktail party this week was just a set up for next week's two-on-one date with Taylor and Corinne.  Taylor tells Corinne she doesn't have emotional intelligence,  and Corinne says (I'm paraphrasing), "fuck you bitch, I run a MULTI MILLION DOLLAR COMPANY"

To be continued...

"My heart is beating" -some brilliant commentary by JoJo

And now time to recap the Hometowns episode: where we get to see what kind of families raised men who think going on television is a great way to find a wife.

Chase: Divorce, Divorce, Divorce

In Colorado, or just on a movie set?

First up, we head to Colorado where Chase lives, and it is snowy and beautiful.  JoJo and Chase are going to meet Chase's dad first (since his parents, we learn, had a messy divorce).  Chase decides this is a really good time to ask why his dad and mom's relationship failed.  Then Chase talks to his dad alone (which may have been a better time to bring up the divorce?), and for the first time, I see a personality in Chase.

Next stop: meeting the mom, step-dad, sister and her family.  They're all pretty reasonable, nice people, and it goes well.  Chase and his sister talk about how they were both hurt by divorce and then Chase and his mom cry about love, to which his mom says "crying is not our style."  Chase tells JoJo he's falling in love with her as she leaves.

Jordan: The Aaron Rodgers Story

"the spicy child"

Next up: we go west to Chico, CA where we get further evidence that Jordan peaked in high school since he takes JoJo to his high school and introduces her to random teachers and coaches.  JoJo asks if some picture is Aaron Rodgers and Jordan changes the subject.  "You could tell it hurt him to bring it up," JoJo says, right before bringing it up again while they sit on some bleachers.  He more or less tells her not to bring him up.  So of course, when JoJo sits down with Jordan's other brother, Luke, she brings it up.  Luke says they all miss Aaron and it's hard to talk about and then the rest of the evening is boring because there is no more talk about the Aaron Rodgers drama.

Robby: The Hope Saga

For a total change of scenery, we go down to Florida, where Robby is from.  The theme of this date is Robby's ex girlfriend.  Right after JoJo tells Robby's mom she's falling in love with him, Robby's mom thinks it's a great idea tell Robby that his ex's roommate is putting rumors out into the world.  Namely the rumor that Robby broke up with this Hope girl just to go on the Bachelorette.  Robby breaks up what looks to be a nice chat JoJo is having with his sisters to tell JoJo about this.  He is a little too defensive about the whole thing and even says that he's "here for the wrong reasons" (even if he was quoting someone else).

Luke: Nicholas Spark's new leading man

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party!

Time to head to the Lone Star State and into a country rom-com movie starting Luke.  Luke invites what looks like to be his entire town to a BBQ, and then he and JoJo ride off into the sunset on horses to sit on a bench made of hay, and walk through a candle-lit path to a giant heart made of flower petals where Luke tells JoJo his heart is hers.

In Conclusion:

What's more romantic than an airplane hangar?

Time for the rose ceremony and JoJo thinks she knows what's up until Luke pulls her aside to actually utter the L word.  Now that all the guys have told her they love her and none of them look that different from each other, JoJo has a break down and we get the worst image in Bachelor nation: a To Be Continued.

"I don't think I can picture a better place to die."

Hometowns!  The week where the four remaining girls make their familys (who did not sign up for this) be on tv and meet their boyfriend who has three other girlfriends.

I really have nothing snarky to say about Amanda here.

Amanda's up first, where she gets to see her kids for the first time since this "journey" began, and they all play on the beach with Ben.  Other than Kinsley and Charlie's totally inappropriate beach footwear, it's actually pretty adorable and Ben is super sweet with them all.  They then drive to Amanda's house with Charlie crying in the back seat.  Ben looks a little deer-in-headlights as he goes in to meet the family.  They all have concerns about Ben being ready to be an instadad, but all the conversations go pretty smoothly.

WHISKEY

From the OC, we go up to Portland (the City of Roses, we learn) to meet up with Lauren B.  They eat greasy food at food trucks and then go to a whiskey library where they had a conversation or something but all I could focus on was the fact that they weren't drinking any whiskey.  And then when they finally showed them with glasses, they got up to leave and left mostly full glasses behind.  I mean, come on guys!  All the fancy whiskey in the world that ABC was paying for, and you had two sips?  Anyway, Let's move on and meet Lauren B.'s family.

Lauren B.'s, or "LoLo's," sister Molly is the star of this hometown visit.  She tells Ben she "doesn't want to grill him or be the mean sister" then lists all the reasons Lauren is amazing and asks Ben, "but why do you like her?"  Ben tears up at this and Molly is sold.  A man is crying!  It must be true love!  Lauren gushes about Ben to her dad who responds, "nobody's perfect," and tries to bring a little realism into her life.  Nice try, dad, but LoLo went on tv to fall in love, and realism has no place on reality shows.

Nothing says love like coloring.

From Oregon, we head to Ohio, where Caila's parents live.  Caila's dad owns a toy factory, so Ben and Caila build a house together.  A plastic, toy house, but still.  And because that wasn't totally over-the-top, Ben carries Caila out of the factory at the end of the day while factory workers clap.

Next we meet Caila's mom, dad, and brother for some delicious looking Filipino food.  Caila's dad has a speech about how if you marry Caila, you marry into a Filipino culture as well, because that's what he did too, and segues into "marriage is important and a vow blah blah blah."  Caila has a chat with her dad and whispers "Daddy, I know this is it," and he responded, but all I got from the rest of their exchange is that her dad was wearing orange pants.

In which JoJo's mom becomes my spirit animal.

Last, but not least, we head to Dallas where JoJo arrives home to a dozen red roses.  She obviously thinks their from Ben and excitedly opens the letter which reveals they're actually from her ex, Chad.  JoJo, you should have realized they weren't from Ben- he can't just dole out roses uninhibitedly!  There are still some rules!  Also, "Chad?" Really? We're supposed to pretend he's real?  Anyway, she calls Chad to say WTF and Ben shows up to an emotionally distraught JoJo.  He's pretty uncomfortable at first, but is soothed when he hears JoJo called Chad to say it was over.

No fun Texas hometown activity, they go straight to JoJo's family mansion and into Ben's personal hell.  JoJo's parents are pretty ok with Ben and welcoming.  JoJo's mom encourages JoJo with "You're not going to get hurt.  You're beautiful!" as if that's how it works.  JoJo's brothers, on the other hand, are waaaaaay too attached to JoJo and make their best effort to lose the show for JoJo.  Ben (JoJo's brother Ben) tells Ben (the Bachelor Ben) that he's brainwashing the girls and needs to back off.  To be fair, Brother Ben was also on a reality show to "find love," and maybe he was a manipulative douchebag on the show and believes all men who are in that situation probably act the same way.  JoJo mysteriously gone, her whole family hangs with Ben in the kitchen while her brothers continue to berate him.  Mom takes a swig straight from the champagne bottle and Dad tries to defuse the situation.   All in all, not a great homecoming.

Rose ceremony time.  Lauren B., Caila, and JoJo get roses, and Ben has to explain to Amanda why he made her leave her kids again just to get heartbroken.  Ben is actually pretty broken up about this, and cries in the courtyard for a depressing end to this episode.

You and me both, Ben,

So thank goodness for the credits!  We get to see Lauren B.'s little brothers try to grill Ben by asking about the fantasy suite.  Ben takes a few gulps of wine and tries to say something about sex by trying to not say anything about sex.  It's sufficiently awkward.

Lost this week:
Amanda, who despite her questionable fashion choice for this episode, really does seem like a good mom.

"I'm still #TeamBen"

Week 7 brings us to Ben's hometown of Warsaw, IN.  It is decidedly more happening than Arlington, IA, where Chris took the girls last year.  Ben starts off by meeting his parents in a diner and telling them about his last six ladies.  They look pretty unconvinced about the whole process.

The final six.

The girls are totally naturally walking in a classic autumn scene and oh look!  Piles of leaves!  Let's have a leaf fight!  This was totally not staged.  Also totally not staged was their surprise when Ben picked them up on a boat while they were conveniently standing on a dock.  Ben takes them to their home for the week and then asks Lauren B. to join him on a date after making joke about his parents having sex.

Lauren B. gets a tour of Ben's old haunts: his high school, his church, the movie theater (now hotel) where he had his first kiss.  And lucky us, we get to hear that story.  "I want to kiss you but I don't know how," Ben said at age 13 to land his first kiss, and again at age 26 to land one with Lauren B. Next they go to the Baker Youth Club where Ben used to work.  Ben is really good with kids and Lauren B. ate it all up.  They jump rope, play ball, girls giggle, and Ronnie the Half Court King sinks a shot, forcing Ben to kiss Lauren B. in front of 100 kids.  Then, surprise! Ben invites the Indiana Pacers to hang with the kids.  Ben consoles a crying kid and it's adorable.

Here kids, watch these people you just met kiss.

Ben and Lauren B.'s evening portion consists of resolving the non-existent issues that Leah brought up last week.  Then they go to Ben's favorite dive bar and take shots with a group of people who may or may not be Ben's friends.

JoJo gets the next one-on-one and the other girls pout.  Because they've clearly exhausted anything interesting in Indiana, Ben and JoJo go to Wrigley Field in Chicago and wear Mr. and Mrs. Higgens jerseys, roll around in the grass, and "eat" dinner on a tiny table in the field.  JoJo shares her fears with Ben, Ben says some articulate and comforting things and suddenly JoJo isn't scared anymore.

I would actually love this date.  Except at the Giant's ballpark,
and the jersey would have my name.

The last group date of the season has Becca, Amanda, and Caila playing in boats and with kites.  They all talk to Ben: Amanda wants to squeeze her kids, Caila thinks she's moss, and Becca is concerned about Ben being at the same place in their relationship as she is.  Ben gives Amanda a rose and whisks her off.  Becca and Caila look like they could kill someone.

They shouldn't feel too bad, because Ben takes Amanda to McDonald's in the worst product-placement date ever.  Ben exclaims he's always wanted to go behind the counter, so Ben and Amanda work the drive-thru before feeding each other greasy fries. At least Ben takes Amanda to a Carnival afterwards which looked like actual fun.

Attempting to romanticize minimum wage.

Last but not least, Emily gets a one-on-one.  Ben takes her home to meet his parents.  She babbles uncontrollably to Mother Higgens who looks slightly horrified at the prospect of her son marrying a wannabe NFL cheerleader.  She informs Father Higgens that she likes movies and hates vegetables.  They are all quite nice to her and Ben's parents are very diplomatic in talking about her.

Ben takes Emily back across the lake and breaks up with her while the other girls peer out the window and watch.  They console crying Emily who then gives a surprising sane exit interview after that word vomit of a date with Ben's parents.

Is Lauren B. trying to console her or put her out of her misery?

Dramatic music brings us into the rose ceremony and Ben doesn't know what to do.  Good ol' Chris Harrison, psychologist, to the rescue.  He asks Ben who maybe doesn't seem like good wife material and Ben makes up his mind.  Ben does exactly what Becca asked him not to do the day before: blindside her by not giving her a rose.

Chris Harrison, earning his paycheck.

Girls sent home, but not to hometowns:
Emily, who loves ducks because she never sees them in Vegas,
and Becca, who will have to forgo sex a little longer.