"It's real. It's been real."

Half of this episode was JoJo crying and saying "I don't know"

Chris Harrison and his live studio audience are here to present the final chapter of JoJo's Journey to Jordan, I mean, Love.  Journey to Love.   Because it was in no way obvious since night one who she was going to pick.  But before we get to that, Chris shows us Ben and Lauren from last season who are still together and not just there to keep ABC happy since they get their own spin-off but because they really care about JoJo's story.  Some members of the cast of Bachelor in Paradise are also there so it's even more awkward for the people sitting around them when they show a preview of the BiP shit show season.

Finally we get to go to Phuket, Thailand, where Jordan and Robby get to meet JoJo's family.  She tells her family she thinks she loves both of them and "when I'm with Robby, I think of Jordan.  When I'm with Jordan, in the back of my head, I think of Robby."
Jordan gets to meet the family first.  He shows up and gives everyone silly hats and then it's time for questions.  JoJo's mom asks Jordan how he will manage her trust issues.  His answer doesn't seem to satisfy her because she tells JoJo she's worried because Jordan is too similar to JoJo and mom's worried that she's blinded by his charm.  This is the same mom that told JoJo that she had nothing to worry about with Ben for no other reason except she's beautiful.  Then Jordan talks to JoJo's dad and notably does not ask for permission for JoJo's hand in marriage, which will become the scandal of the episode.

Anyway, it's Robby's turn to ingratiate himself with the family.  He kills it: professes his love, asks for the parent's blessing to marry her, and even her dad got choked up.  JoJo's mom tells Robby she's giving him a princess and he needs to "make her the queen of your heart," so that happened.

After he leaves, JoJo sits down with her parents and two brothers and I think her sister, who says nothing and only occasionally appears in a shot, what they think.  They all tell her Robby is perfect.  She gets upset and says she doesn't know and why can't they just pick for her because Jordan's great too.  One of her brothers points out that maybe she really wants Jordan since she keeps defending him.  Good thing JoJo still has one date left with each man to figure it out.

On JoJo and Robby's date, Robby says he wants to get her pregnant like, yesterday.  "You have a heart of gold," JoJo says, and Robby whispers, "you're a heartbreaker" as he leans in for a kiss and FORESHADOWING MUCH?

On JoJo and Jordan's date, they argue about why Jordan didn't ask her father for permission to marry her.  Jordan says it didn't feel right when he didn't know how she felt and there's still another guy in the picture and JoJo cries because why isn't Jordan just doing exactly what she wants so she has no excuse not to pick him.

Both men then meet with Neil Lane and picked out gaudy diamond rings.  Jordan then takes a page out of Ben's books and calls JoJo's parents to ask for their blessing.  He then writes a note to JoJo to let her know.  Robby also writes a note, so we get to see JoJo cry about how hard her decision is even more.

After some montages of the guys starting shirtless and then getting dressed in blue suits while their engagement rings sit nearby, it's time for the final rose.  Robby shows up first to the final rose locale, meaning it's game over.  Luckily, JoJo doesn't make him give his whole speech before interrupting and sending him home.  They both cry, and then JoJo quickly dries her eyes so Jordan can come make all her dreams come true.

What is with all the baskets and urns??

It's time for After the Final Rose.  Chris Harrison sits down with Robby and plays psychiatrist.  JoJo comes out to give Robby some closure and they send him away to bring out Jordan to convince everyone love is real.  Chris then pushes the Aaron Rodgers issue and Jordan does an actually pretty good job of dodging the question.  JoJo and Jordan are throwing around dates for a wedding and Jordan's moving to Dallas since, you know, he's unemployed and he can't become a famous sportscaster if he stays in Chico.

If you're going to miss all the drama, and have missed Chad since he went home, then have no fear, because Bachelor in Paradise will be gracing your televisions for the rest of the summer!

The Men bitch about Chad episode

Also known as Men Tell All, this year's show was, you guessed it, all about the Chad.  Chris Harrison tried to start with the Derek and Alex drama that everyone forgot about, but the second someone mentioned Chad's name, the men start going off.  Wells is Mr. Psychiatrist this season, and says that they should talk about Chad without him there and CUT TO Chad and a meat plate waiting behind scenes.

When Chad finally comes out, it's everything you expected and so much more.  Between explaining how he hooked up with both Grant and Robby's exes (calling Grant Darryl for some inexplicable reason) and mocking the rest of them for falling for JoJo immediately, and when not talking about JoJo, talking about him, Chad actually was pretty perceptive about the guys on this show.  But that doesn't change the fact that he's a huge douchebag.  The guy who dressed up as Santa night one decided to challenge Chad to a fight, but Chad laughed and said "good luck on the airtime there, Santa," and refused to fight him on account of his dress shoes.  Derek's up next on the argue with Chad train, and Chad dismisses him with a "your pocket square doesn't match your shirt."

Chris Harrison inquires about Chad's threats to find Jordan at home after the show was over, and Chad said, "maybe I was going to bring him candy."  Moving on to the next issue, they re-examine the Evan's ripped shirt fiasco.  We rematch the scene in slo-mo and it actually kind of looks like Evan pushed Chad first.  Basically, no one really cares about Evan, dick doctor.  Wells tries to analyze the whole situation, dropping a Lord of the Flies reference (they Piggy'd Chad) that most likely confused most of the other men.  Chad's interview ends with him saying "sometimes you chose apples when you should have chose pickles, if you know what I mean," and no, Chad, no one knows what you mean.

Anyway, the rest of the show tries to be about the actual Bachelorette and they bring Luke and Chase up to get closure with JoJo/further their auditions for the next Bachelor.  And just in case you forgot about him, Chad decide to wish JoJo all the best, even though her final two are liars and cheats and there for the wrong reasons.  JoJo refuses to respond saying that that's what Chad wants, attention, and she won't indulge him.  The other guys love this and give her a standing ovation.

Then, we have a surprise guest in the audience: Vinny's mom is there to tell JoJo she picked wrong and her son is the best.  Next, there's the blooper reel, which this year mostly consisted of JoJo being surprised by animals and insects and men breaking glasses.  Lastly, there's the preview for the finale and it promises a lot of JoJo crying.