"If you hurt her, I can find you on Google"

Arie meets four girls' skeptical families this week on The Bachelor.

"Kendall is not your average girl"

Arie and Kendall return to LA for Kendall's hometown date.  And since Kendall's the quirky taxidermist, she takes Arie to a warehouse full of taxidermied animals where they taxidermy their own mice, dress them in little wedding clothes, and put them in a Paris diorama.  Arie was a bit creeped out, but pushed through because he might get to sleep with this blonde chick next week in an exotic location.

Kendall then introduces Arie to her mom, dad, brother, and twin sister.  Kendall's mom tells her to follow her heart, Kendall's dad can't give his blessing to Arie, but says if Kendall wants it, she has their support, Kendall's twin, Kylie, thinks it's a problem that Kendall's response to Arie saying he's falling for her was just to kiss her and tells her she needs to tell Arie how she feels.  She does.

"To Airy and Tia maybe"

Next Arie meets Tia in Arkansas, and just in case you hadn't realized she was southern, they raced cars on a muddy track.  Then Tia introduces Arie to her parents, brother, aunt, and cousin.  They've all been surfing the web and grill Arie on being a playboy.  Arie asks the second dad for his daughter's hand, and Tia's dad says he'll trust Tia on that front.

"Is Becca the real deal or are we wasting our time here?"

Moving back west a little, Arie meets Becca K in Minneapolis, MN for some apple picking and talking of a dead dad.  Becca's family are protective, especially Pastor Uncle Gary who took over father figure duties when Becca's dad passed.  Becca's mom tells Becca she'd be sad if she left Minnesota, but just wants her to be happy.  Since dad's not around, Arie asks mom for her blessing.  Becca's mom says she'll honor Becca's choice.  That being said, she tells Arie, "I really like you and you've really done well with my weird family."

"I trust Lauren.  I have to have faith in that."

The last hometown is back east at Virginia Beach.  Lauren B. and Arie ride horses on the beach and toast with crab legs.  Arie is the most nervous about this meet the parents.  He barely makes it minutes into dinner before having to go mop sweat off his brow.  Lauren's dad is a veteran and Arie thanks him for his service and talks about a goodwill tour to Afghanistan he and some other race care drivers went on in 2008 (side note: Lauren was 15 when Arie did this).  This wins dad over.  Asked for his blessing, dad says he trusts Lauren.  And it's four for four of the parents telling Arie their daughters are not for them to give to them!

"Who is he deciding between?"

Back at Bachelor Mansion one last time, Arie has to send one of the girls whose family he told he was falling for them home.  He can barely get the words out.  He pulls Kendall aside to ask if she thinks she can get to engaged in the next two weeks.  She doesn't say yes, but doesn't say no either...  The other three girls are confused and nervous.  They come back and Arie gives roses to Becca and Lauren.  Chris Harrison makes his obligatory appearance to inform the girls of the last rose, which is then given to Kendall.  Arie walks a sobbing Tia out.  Which just rolls right into the previews for next week, which is just sounds of girls sobbing.

"I need to talk to you about this week and take a sip of your wine."

This week brings the remaining 7 ladies and Arie to Tuscany, a region in Italy.  Chris Harrison greets the girls to inform them that there is no rose ceremony at the end of the week, rather, all of the roses will be handed out on dates: three one-on-ones and one group date.  Three of them will go home, and the other four will also go home next week, but with Arie in tow to meet their skeptical families.

First up: Becca K, who we really haven't seen much of since she had the very first one-on-one this season.  They wander around the cute Italian city of Barga, buying bread and cheese and wine for a romantic picnic.  They chat and kiss and then at dinner Becca says all the right things for Arie to be "really, really, really hopeful" for them and give her the rose.  They kiss some more against a stone wall, because that's what Arie is good at.

Later, at the hotel, Jaqueline's been having doubts, and decides to go talk to Arie.  She knocks on his door, Arie lets her in, she immediately takes a huge sip of his wine.  Jaqueline tells Arie she was swept off her feet last week, but she knows she doesn't have the confidence the other girls have for bringing Arie home to meet her family.  They hug and kiss a ton, and then Jaqueline says goodbye.  Arie is sad, but respects her decision.  Jaqueline feels like she sucks at being happy, and goes to say goodbye to the other girls.

Next up: Lauren B. gets a one-on-one two weeks in a row!  They bike around Lucca, Arie shows off some tricks he did in high school, and like their date in Paris, Lauren says very little.  She does observe that Lucca, an Italian city, is "very Italian," so there's that.  They eat pizza, and it's clearly too boring for national TV, so the producers bribe some kids to throw a soccer ball at them so they can "spontaneously" play some soccer with cute Italian kids.  That evening, Arie tries yet again to get Lauren to open up.  She admits to falling in love with him.  He stares for a second then excuses himself to wander off.  He comes back to tell her he's falling deeply in love with her and give her the rose.

Sienne gets the last one-on-one this week.  They go truffle hunting with Giulio and his dog Miga, and are then invited over for lunch.  They make pizza and pasta from scratch with Giulio's family, who grill them both on love.  After eating, the nice Italian family chants "bacio" at them, and they indulge them and kiss.  That evening they chat some more and Arie tells Sienne he just isn't feeling it.  Sienna goes home.

And it's time for the last group date.  Bekah M., Tia, and Kendall go to Villa Reale- an estate once owned by Napoleon's sister.  Anyway, Kendall and Arie chat and kiss.  Tia tells Arie Bekah isn't ready to settle down.  Tia tells Bekah she told Arie she's not ready to settle down.  Bekah cries and goes running to Arie.  He soothes her, they kiss, and Bekah shows off her gray hairs.  Arie gives Kendall a rose, and sends her off to have a two-on-one date with Bekah and Tia.  He talks to them both again.  Tia says she's still falling in love with him and Bekah asks him to have a little faith in her.  Buuuut, he doesn't keep the faith, and Tia get the rose.  Bekah cries.  The end.

"Is a French kiss in France just a kiss?"

This week the girls get to stay on a boat hotel on the Seine River, which actually kind of warrants their squeals and running around upon arriving.  Not to let them enjoy themselves too much, Chris Harrison shows up to inform them there will be four dates this week: two one-on-ones, one group date, and *gasp* a two-on-one date.  Krystal, being very self-aware for the villain of this show responds with an "I wonder who will be on the two-on-one with me?"  Lauren B. is up first though, with the first one-on-one.

Arie and Lauren's date consists of wandering around Paris, with Arie pointing at things and Lauren saying nothing more than wow.  It's awkward, and Arie isn't sure he can make a connection with Lauren if she can't open up.  Somehow, though, during dinner, despite still saying very little, Arie is won over and Lauren gets some kisses and a rose.

Next up is the group date.  Becca K, Bekah M, Sienne, Tia, Chelsea, and Jenna get to go to the Moulin Rouge, dress up, and learn to dance, though we never really see why.  For the evening portion, Arie pretty much just kisses them all.  There is no meaningful enough discussion for me to take any note of.  Bekah M gets the group date rose, which means she gets to perform with Arie at the Moulin Rouge, while the other girls sulkily watch.  Arie tells us the Moulin Rouge is "sexy and cool," which is exactly what he said about Fort Lauderdale.

And now for the much anticipated two-on-one date.  Kendall, unfortunately, has to deal with Hurricane Krystal on this one.  Krystal's not worried, though; she laughs at Kendall's stressed reaction to the date card, and proclaims herself "fun wife material."  The date brings Arie, Krystal, and Kendall to an old chateau where they look at art and get lost in a labyrinth. They cheers in front of a fancy fountain and Arie takes Krystal aside to chat.  They seem to patch things up from last week, kiss, and it all seems peachy until Krystal brings up Kendall and tells Arie she doesn't think Kendall's ready for love/marriage.  Noooooo, Krystal, don't you know that talking about another contestant to the lead leads to being sent home?  Arie tells Kendall what Krystal says, and Kendall confronts Krystal.  But instead of asking "WTF crazy lady?" Kendall tries to connect with Krystal and gives a little speech about insecurity, imperfection, and empathizing with her.  Krystal says, "I don't really have words," which was hardly the appropriate response to that veritable olive branch.  Arie shows up to pick up the rose, but doesn't give it away yet.  Both girls get to go to dinner, and apparently talk to Arie, though we see none of these conversations, and instead see Arie ramble about logic and intuition before giving Kendall the rose.  Back on the boat-hotel, the girls cheer and pop champagne when producers roll Krystal's suitcase away.  Krystal looks broodingly out a chateau window while Kendall and Arie make-out in the Eiffel Tower.

Jaqueline gets the last date of this episode.  She says one of my favorite quotes about getting a date card:
"When I got the date card, I felt like I was given a pony for Christmas.  But it's also, like, if you don't learn to ride this pony correctly by the end of the day, it'll be shot."
Arie comes to pick her up in a little Triumph car which immediately breaks down.  Arie gets to be all "manly and mechanic-y" and Jaqueline eats it up.  "It is hot when guys who know things about things do things about things and talk about them," Jaqueline observes.  Arie then takes her shopping, buys her a dress and shoes for dinner at a fancy restaurant.  They chat about Arie being intimidated by her intelligence and how she's planning on getting a PhD.  It's an uncharacteristically serious and real conversation.  Despite reservations, Arie gives Jaqueline the rose.  They relocate to a more scenic location to make-out.

No cocktail party this week, it's straight to the rose ceremony.  Chelsea and Jenna go home.  Surprisingly and unsurprisingly, respectively.  The episode weirdly ends with Lauren having an almost compete-break down with a producer in a dimly lit area.  Then we get a preview of the rest of the season and it's literally just everyone crying.