Perhaps after meeting Jordan last season, ESPN realized how to corner a female audience: with Bachelor Fantasy Leagues!
I'm not sure how it will work/how fun it will be, but I will give it a go (for like a week or two before I get bored/forget about it)! If you're interested in joining me, I created a group for (the admittedly few) readers of my blog:
http://games.abc.go.com/bachelor-fantasy-league/2017/en/group?groupID=13493
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Monday, December 19, 2016
It's the most wine-derful time of the year!
This season premiere will showcase 30 contestants ages 23-31 to vie for professional runner-up Nick V., a 36 year old technology salesman. There is not one but three ladies who have job titles that are basically "unemployed": aspiring dolphin trainer, unemployed nurse (ok, she admits it), and law school graduate (and let's just ignore the fact that they all have to be basically unemployed to commit to a potentially few months on this show).
Let's look at the highlights from their Bios (found here):
Alexis' 5 things she can't live without starts strong with "family, dog, best friend" but quickly crashes into a huge "ugh, seriously?" with "fake eyelashes, whitening strips."
Angela's worst date was when a guy put down Batman as his name while waiting for a table, meaning she is just no fun and maybe needs to start dating adults.
Astrid wants to be a dolphin so she can rescue lost sailors and swim in the ocean doing tricks (tricks like killing those rescued lost sailors, because do you even know anything about real mermaids?)
Briana wants to be a pineapple because she wants to be "Hawaiian, delicious, tropical, and pretty," so she should just move to Hawaii and eat lots of pineapple.
Brittany admires Beyonce for a few reasons including "she's a virgo like me!" as if being born a certain time of year is something to be admired.
Christen is obsessed with the president because she seems to think the TV show Scandal is real. She also wants to break into the White House and spend months sleeping in a strange closet to presumably see sexy, scandalous presidential going on or whatever happens in the Scandal universe.
Corinne wants to be Snow White so she can find her Prince Charming, and honey, that's Cinderella- Snow White's prince is Prince Ferdinand.
Danielle L.'s favorite book is a self-help book and that's kind of sad. She also wants to be a fox because they're "responsive," so I feel sorry for any other animal she's interacted with.
Danielle M. wants to be Hermione which is cool, and has a dead fiancé, so that's sure to keep her on the show a few weeks.
Dominique looooves Chipotle so much that if she could have lunch with any three people dead or alive, it would be her grandfather, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Jesus and they would all be eating burritos from Chipotle. Chipotle is also one of the 5 things she can't live without.
Elizabeth "Liz" apparently hooked up with Nick at a wedding a while back so here's some drama already! Other tidbits: golf is so boring it angers her AND she's unashamed of being a Belieber.
Elizabeth gets out of having a last initial because the other Elizabeth has a nickname. Her response to what her greatest achievement is: "My life has been a journey of achievements that only I would appreciate."
Haily is "not into butterflies at all. Jumping bugs suck. Butterflies are a solid no for [her], though."
Ida Marie's favorite book and author are the same: "I need to read more books."
Jaimi likes to bench press men with her legs to impress them.
Jasmine B. was engaged before but never got married because she "was too young and he ended up proving he doesn't deserve my greatness," and you go girl!
Jasmine G. thinks she's the girl version of Guy Fieri but also has the most fun group of three folks (dead or alive) who she wants to have lunch with: RuPaul, Dave Chappelle, and Prince.
Josephine would like to be Stephen Hawking for a day, and she may be the only one of these bimbos who knows who that is.
Kristina is an orphan (so sticking around points!) and if she could be someone for a day she'd be her biological mother because she'd "like to know what she was going through when [she] was young and if choosing alcohol over kids worth it" which is possibly the most thoughtful/serious answer any Bachelor contestant has ever given to any of these questions ever.
Lacey's biggest fear is that her date is going to another date right after hers, and girl, have you even seen the show you're about to go on?
Lauren could be my friend considering if she could go anywhere in the US it would be state parks in the southwest since she loves the rock formations
Michelle was very specific about what she would eat with the three people she wants to have lunch with: Sunday roast with Dumbledore, tacos with Gwen Stefani, and fish & chips with Princess Diana.
Olivia was the kicker on her high school football team, so lets hope she goes on the obligatory sports competition date.
Rachel "hates things that fly (eg birds, grasshoppers)."
Raven would be Blue Ivy is she could be anyone for a day because I guess being 4 would be fun?
Sarah, if she could be any animal, would be "a dog! or, if your a bird, I'm a bird, right :)" so we know she's going to be the girl who says the L word first since she'll think it's something Nick wants to hear.
Susannah's guilty pleasure is "buying expensive shoes or not expensive shoes." So, buying shoes.
Taylor's favorite clothing designer is Forever 21, because I guess that's a designer.
Vanesa wants to be an onion. She should just duck out early and find Ashely S.
Whitney's response to "how much do you enjoy theater?" is "I like going to movies but also to rent them at home," and I don't think she knows what theater generally refers to.
See you in 2 weeks for the cringe-worthy limo entrances of all the ladies named above!
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