"But this is the Bachelor!"

Women Tell All this season should have just been called Women Rehash the Same Drama We Already Saw.  They really just had the women explain some drama, yell a bit, and then moved on to the next drama reenactment.

First drama to consider: glam-shaming.  As Brittany T said, "it's not a real thing!", but here we are.  The girls argue pointlessly about this, to no resolution.

Chris Harrison moves on and tries to bring up the Bekah's age drama by calling out Tia for telling Arie she didn't think Bekah was ready for marriage.  Bekah gets defensive and starts to lecture Krystal, which just turned into everyone yelling at Krystal, so she gets brought up to the hot seat.

Krystal basically doubles down on defending her behavior and everyone else just gets more and more worked up.  Caroline yell-cries at her, Bekah makes a lot of faces, and Krystal concludes by changing the topic completely and saying her homeless brother saw her on the Bachelor and didn't realize people cared for him and is now getting help.

Sienne get's pulled up to the front to be complimented, basically.  She tells Chris Harrison she's single and dating, so if he knows anyone he should send them her way!  To which Chris Harrison replies, "it is what I do!"

After that nice little interlude, it's back to the drama with Bekah M, to yet again defend her age.  If Bekah didn't get so defensive and wasn't so hyper, I'd almost believe her.  She's perfect for Bachelor in Paradise though, and Chris Harrison agrees.  After bringing up the crazy story of how Bekah ended up on a missing persons list in Humboldt County (she went to a pot farm, didn't have reception, and her mom freaked out), Chris Harrison makes Bekah call her mom on speaker phone and tells her "there's a good chance she'll be missing for two weeks this summer."

Tia, being the last girl here that got sent home, gets brought up to the hot seat to audition for the Bachelorette talk about how Arie broke her heart but that she's ready to find love again.

Last up, Arie has to face 18 of his ex girlfriends.  They allude to some DRAMA yet to come, with Caroline ominously saying to Arie, "I know what you did.  And I don't know how you could do that, and I just really don't understand."  More on that presumably next week...

Before we move on to Bloopers, Krystal inserts herself back into the hot seat to ask why Arie's goodbye was so cold.  Arie responds that looking back (after watching her on the show), his goodbye was pretty appropriate.  Oh, and apparently she told the other girls that Arie has a small penis, which wasn't clear because they kept bleeping something, but context clues leads me to believe the words were "needle dick."  So that happened.

Then we actually get the bloopers which included lots of girls scared by insects and Arie messing up in interviews and saying "merp."  After the bloopers, we are inexplicably joined by John Cena, who we shortly learn is there with Leslie Mann and Ike Barinholz to promote their new movie Blockers.  Then they try to make a Bachelor crossover of women getting "blocked" from stealing Arie from other girls.  It's a bit lame, but the movie they are promoting also looks a bit lame, so what can you do?

"I need to talk to you about this week and take a sip of your wine."

This week brings the remaining 7 ladies and Arie to Tuscany, a region in Italy.  Chris Harrison greets the girls to inform them that there is no rose ceremony at the end of the week, rather, all of the roses will be handed out on dates: three one-on-ones and one group date.  Three of them will go home, and the other four will also go home next week, but with Arie in tow to meet their skeptical families.

First up: Becca K, who we really haven't seen much of since she had the very first one-on-one this season.  They wander around the cute Italian city of Barga, buying bread and cheese and wine for a romantic picnic.  They chat and kiss and then at dinner Becca says all the right things for Arie to be "really, really, really hopeful" for them and give her the rose.  They kiss some more against a stone wall, because that's what Arie is good at.

Later, at the hotel, Jaqueline's been having doubts, and decides to go talk to Arie.  She knocks on his door, Arie lets her in, she immediately takes a huge sip of his wine.  Jaqueline tells Arie she was swept off her feet last week, but she knows she doesn't have the confidence the other girls have for bringing Arie home to meet her family.  They hug and kiss a ton, and then Jaqueline says goodbye.  Arie is sad, but respects her decision.  Jaqueline feels like she sucks at being happy, and goes to say goodbye to the other girls.

Next up: Lauren B. gets a one-on-one two weeks in a row!  They bike around Lucca, Arie shows off some tricks he did in high school, and like their date in Paris, Lauren says very little.  She does observe that Lucca, an Italian city, is "very Italian," so there's that.  They eat pizza, and it's clearly too boring for national TV, so the producers bribe some kids to throw a soccer ball at them so they can "spontaneously" play some soccer with cute Italian kids.  That evening, Arie tries yet again to get Lauren to open up.  She admits to falling in love with him.  He stares for a second then excuses himself to wander off.  He comes back to tell her he's falling deeply in love with her and give her the rose.

Sienne gets the last one-on-one this week.  They go truffle hunting with Giulio and his dog Miga, and are then invited over for lunch.  They make pizza and pasta from scratch with Giulio's family, who grill them both on love.  After eating, the nice Italian family chants "bacio" at them, and they indulge them and kiss.  That evening they chat some more and Arie tells Sienne he just isn't feeling it.  Sienna goes home.

And it's time for the last group date.  Bekah M., Tia, and Kendall go to Villa Reale- an estate once owned by Napoleon's sister.  Anyway, Kendall and Arie chat and kiss.  Tia tells Arie Bekah isn't ready to settle down.  Tia tells Bekah she told Arie she's not ready to settle down.  Bekah cries and goes running to Arie.  He soothes her, they kiss, and Bekah shows off her gray hairs.  Arie gives Kendall a rose, and sends her off to have a two-on-one date with Bekah and Tia.  He talks to them both again.  Tia says she's still falling in love with him and Bekah asks him to have a little faith in her.  Buuuut, he doesn't keep the faith, and Tia get the rose.  Bekah cries.  The end.

"Because I need a wife"

The opening shot (after all the preview footage of girls being dramatic and looking shocked, of course), was Bekah M. jumping into the pool at the mansion and swimming and brooding alone.  The other girls are shown inside musing about Arie and Beech's 14 year age difference and whether or not that matters.

Chris Harrison shows up to agonizingly slowly tell the girls that they're leaving LA and headed to South Lake Tahoe.  Arie is excited that there's "a lot of outdoor stuff" here, "which is cool," as if LA is just a giant building.

Sienne gets the first date card.  They go parasailing, drink champagne on a beach, kiss, and then have dinner in a private room at the Hard Rock Cafe.  She gets the rose, which is good because otherwise a large crowd of Bachelor Fans wouldn't get to swoon and ignore the random band ABC hired that no one's heard about before.

The group date brings everyone except Sienne and Bekah (who get one on one dates this week), and Maquel (who went home since her grandpa died) on a survival training hike.  Their coaches are Mikel Hawke, a retired Green Beret Combat Commander for the US Special Forces and his wife, Ruth.  They first talk about needing water and the importance of recycling.  All the girls and Arie are given bottle to pee into.  Arie takes the first swig.  Jaqueline almost goes for it, but Arie stops her, saying his was apple juice.  Then they go eat some bugs and are tasked to navigate through the snowy woods.  At the end of the trail is a hot tub and champagne.

The evening portion of the date revolves around Krystal feeling insecure and projecting that insecurity on everyone else.  Especially Tia and Caroline who just can't handle her, and have no poker faces to show otherwise.  Krystal even tries to pull Tia and Caroline aside to talk about it and it is not remotely productive.  Tia ends up getting the group date rose, which just unhinges Krystal that much more.

Time for Bekah's one on one date.  They ride horses and make out in a hot tub.  These scenes are interspersed with different girls chatting about Bekah's age, if she's going to tell Arie, and if he'll send her home.  Arie talks about how he's changed since his late 20s and ready for marriage and then asks if Bekah's ready.  This awkwardly turns into a conversation about Bekah's age.  Arie's response: "Oh my god."  It's a good point that many successful relationships have large age gaps, and being young doesn't necessarily mean immature, and the other girls aren't that much older than Bekah, BUT there is the Standard Creepiness Rule.  And Bekah, Olivia, and Maquel are the only contestants who are below the creepiness line.  And Bekah is the only one who made a big deal about it.  So for everyone defending her age, if she didn't want to be judged, she shouldn't have let production make it a plot line.

Anyway, Arie and Bekah discuss it some more and Bekah more or less pleads for him to let her stay, and his dick Arie gives her the rose.

As is par for the course, there is no cocktail party this week and it's straight to the rose ceremony.  Krystal interrupts Arie before he can give a rose away, and says nothing much of import to Arie in an annoying whisper.  Brittany T and Caroline are sent home.  Caroline goes into the goodbye hug with her heels in her hand.  She was way over it.