"Well you finally saw me cry."

Rather than promising us the most dramatic finale ever, Chris Harrison starts this show promising us that "Arie is about to become the most controversial bachelor in history!"  And he was right, if you define controversial as most people ended up being pissed off at Arie's actions.  It ended up being a pretty one sided controversy.  But let's get into it!

Back in Peru, Lauren B. and Becca K. meet Arie's family.  Lauren goes first.  She "hope[s] that [she doesn't] freak out and act weird."  She doesn't and Arie's family loves her.  Turns out they'll like Becca just the same, but it doesn't seem like that to Becca since every one of Arie's family mentioned Lauren while talking to her.  This does not please Becca since she and Lauren are like "an apple and a starfish" and I really want to know which one she thinks she is.

After meeting both potential daughter-in-laws, the family debriefs.  They tall Arie he can't make a wrong choice.  Arie pontificates and says it makes more sense and has been easy with Becca, but there's an undeniable love with Lauren.  Mom tells him Becca is the smart choice.  Arie just doesn't know and keeps repeating how this is the biggest decision of his life since it will change his life FOREVER (but more realistically, for the next 4-6 months).

For some reason, Chris Harrison has Caroline from this season on to chat about this situation.  She says pretty much exactly what she said at Women Tell All.  She adds that she doesn't think Arie knows what he wants, which isn't really an interesting take considering we just heard Arie monologue about not knowing what to do.

Lauren gets a pretty cool last date - Arie takes her to Machu Picchu.  They make out among ruins and Arie comments how Lauren has really opened up and relaxed after he told her he loved her.  Which makes sense, considering that's like the biggest rule on this show: the lead can't say I love you!  So if he says it, it must mean something.  Lauren is afraid of losing Arie, but is pretty sure he'll pick her since he's reassured her so much and has really given her no reason to think otherwise.

Chris Harrison now asks Sienne and Bekah M. their thoughts on the situation.  Sienne thinks Arie was looking for reassurance from his family about picking Lauren and didn't get it.  Bekah says if Arie is this conflicted, he probably shouldn't propose (no duh).

Becca gets a boring last date compared to Lauren.  They do a standard one-on-one date of walking around a foreign market.  They do get to pet some cute alpacas.  Becca gives Arie a scrapbook of cute couple picks (with empty pages for their wedding and future babies) and reads him a love letter.  Arie feels overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do.

Back in the studio, Chris Harrison has brought on Ben, who also told two women he loved them, and Jason, who broke up with his final pick and asked the runner up for another chance (they are now married).  Ben says Arie has to own up to what he's done.  Jason says he should just be himself (even though that doesn't seem to be working out for Arie).

Arie's feeling guilty about giving confidence to both women and still doesn't know what to do.  He meets with Neil Lane anyway and gets a ring.

Lauren gets the first rose ceremony.  She gives Arie an I love you/I finally found what I've been looking for speech, to which Arie shakes his head and says he can't go through with it.  Lauren doesn't know what to say.  Arie says he did fall in love with her.  Lauren says she's confused.  Arie "feel[s] a little bit like a monster right now" and Lauren "feel[s] betrayed."

Becca's rose ceremony is a bit happier, seeing as Arie proposes to her and gives her the final rose.  Becca is thrilled, obviously, and Arie seems happy.  Chris Harrison's been promising us DRAMA though, so we know this isn't going to end well.

We get a nice montage of Arie and Becca doing cute couple-y things.  Becca is interviewed, excited about a "happy couples weekend" she and Arie are about to have.  Arie is interviewed and he's (dun dun dun) planning to call off the engagement because he keeps thinking about Lauren.

Chris Harrison tells us this will be the "most emotional scene ever" and that they are going to show us it in it's un-cut entirety.

We get a nice split screen once Arie and Becca sit down, so we can see both of their faces.  Arie tells Becca she's everything he's wanted, but he can't stop thinking about Lauren.  Becca responds, appropriately: "are you fucking kidding me?"  She takes off the ring and Arie continues to babble about how conflicted he was and how he's been struggling.  She eventually say's "Ok, I'm done" and walks away.  Arie follows, to which Becca says, "I'm not gonna, like, hug you goodbye."  He still wants to talk.  Becca is not having it.  She asks him to leave.  He lingers.  She tells him to go.  He sits on the couch.  This goes on and on for a while and it is extremely uncomfortable to watch.  He FINALLY goes for real and Becca cries some more.

Back with Chris Harrison and out live studio audience, Becca gets a lot of cheering.  Chris Harrison promises us that tomorrow, Becca will see Arie for the first time since that break up.  Plus Lauren will be there.  Caroline, Bekah, Sienne, Tia, and Kendall all run up to hug Becca.

After the Final Rose Part Two will be recapped in my next post, as this is getting long.

"I don't want to say goodbye to you"

First off, our favorite host Chris Harrison welcomes us to what might be the wedding of Ben and his lucky lady!  Chris has pulled out all the stops: both girl's families are waiting backstage (notably absent are JoJo's brothers), Ben's parents AND their hometown pastor are in attendance, and Neil Lane is in the front row with some wedding bands in tow.  But first, we have to go back to Jamaica.

We start with some pensive-stare-at-water shots of the three.  Ben has no idea what to do and hopes his parents will just make the decision for him.   Lauren thinks everything feels so right with Ben.  JoJo thinks she's finally in a fairy tale, which makes me wonder what fairy tales she read as a kid.

Ben briefs the 'rents on the two ladies and how he loves them both.  Mom says "it's really disturbing to me," and Bachelor viewers across the country nod in agreement.

Ben's mom is very relatable.

Lauren's up first and it's wholly undramatic.  She's poised and sweet and tells Ben's parents how much she loves him.  She tells Mama Higgens how she can't believe she's gotten to fall in love with someone so perfect and mom just laughs.

JoJo comes bearing a tacky shell/flower arrangement as a gift.  Ben tells his parents about moments he and JoJo has shared and said they flew over Hoover Dam in a helicopter but didn't get to see it because wink wink nudge nudge.  JoJo gets rightfully embaressed and Ben's mom asks "too much cuddle time?"  It was an awkward thing for Ben to bring up, almost as awkward as Nick V. telling his mom that he liked making out with Kaitlyn.

You can see where Ben gets his weird "you're too happy I need to see you cry" thing, as it appears Ben's mom likes JoJo better since they've "already gone through some non-ideal situations" and JoJo mentions how Ben has faults.  Ben's mom seems to think Ben can't take care of himself and implies that she likes JoJo better for Ben since she already knows he's not perfect.

Ben's parents like them both, though, and Ben's frustrated he still doesn't know who to propose to.  Or, as his mom said, "who to plant his stake with,"  and I don't know if that's a saying in Indiana or just really bad sexual innuendo.

Lauren's last chance to win Ben includes a boat ride and a vague question and answer session.  Ben's biggest concern is that it's too perfect, and Ben, that's what most people are going for.

JoJo's final time with Ben includes another waterfall and crying in a bathroom.  JoJo asks Ben if he loves Lauren too and if she knows and Ben says yes to both.  JoJo says she's tired of competing, and, well, you did sign up for a show where you compete for a husband, so...

Ben's distressed, but luckily we have Neil Lane and his gaudy expensive diamonds to help give Ben some clarity.  It seems to work, because now Ben knows who he's buying the ring for.

Somehow the most tears in this episode came from Ben.

Final rose ceremony time and JoJo is first up, which we all know is bad news.  She has a nice speech about how she loves Ben and he's her best friend and all that, to which Ben responds "I...... uh..... "  He then tells her he "found [love] with [her], but found it with someone else more."  JoJo is, of course, blindsided and heartbroken and Ben walks her to a limo (even though she arrived in a helicopter?).

Ben is sad and says stuff like "I don't deserve JoJo," but pulls himself together to call Lauren's dad to ask for permission because the patriarchy is still alive and well.  He gets Daddy Bushnell's blessing, fist pumps the air and then Lauren arrives.  She also gives an I love you speech, and Ben pauses for so long I'm pretty sure it was part of the Bachelor contract to add suspense.  Anyway, Ben proposes with a god-awful diamond ring and Lauren accepts.  They both tell each other they're each other's "person" and then Ben hands out the final rose to a "Yes!  Give me that!"

I guess Ben decided to settle for "too perfect."

Time for After the Final Rose!  Well, more of it anyway.  Throughout the whole episode we got glimpses at the live studio audience watching plus way to many shots of Ben's pastor flipping through the Bible and walking down halls.  JoJo gets to see Ben for the first time since he broke her heart and Lauren and Ben can be seen in public for the first time.  Chatting with JoJo is more calm and less emotional than I think any other season.  JoJo seems to have actually gotten over it- even after having to re-watch the heartbreak.  And no wonder she seems fine, because she's the next Bachelorette!  What's that they always say?  The best way to get over a man is to get under 25 new men?  Something like that.

Lauren comes out, Jimmy Kimmel does a bit ("where do babies come from?" and "what happens in the fantasy suite?") and then Chris tries to get Ben and Lauren to get married on the spot.  They decline (and why wouldn't they?  ABC will probably pay for a much fancier one later), but the families come out and Ben re-proposes to Lauren and everyone cheers.  Love conquers all, you guys!

Join me in May to watch JoJo find a husband on TV!
And hopefully we get to see more of her  judgmental brothers!