"I cried my eyelashes out"

As usual, the finale is live, and by live, I mean Chris Harrison watches it with us and provides commentary.  As unusual, Rachel is also there to live-watch with us, and she is not too thrilled.  Before we go back to Spain, however, Chris Harrison has some Bachelor Nation news to share with us: Juan Pablo is married!  Chris Harrison informs us that Juan Pablo asked him to inform the viewers, just in case we had forgotten that Juan Pablo is Chris Harrison's least favorite Bachelor.

Anyway, back in Spain, we are still only halfway through Fantasy Suite Week.  Rachel and Peter are at a stand-off: Peter doesn't want to propose and that's literally all Rachel wants.  She offers him the Fantasy Suite card anyway, to you know, "talk" more about this issue.  They "talk," and we get to see them cook eggs and bacon together.  It's cute.

Bryan gets the final fantasy suite date.  They ride horses through vineyards.  They chat and Bryan says the vibe feels off.  It's because Rachel is struggling with Peter's lack of wanting to propose, but she doesn't tell Bryan this.  She instead gives him the Fantasy Suite card, which Bryan barely can read through his eagerness to say yes.  He declares his love for the hundredth time, and then next time we see them, they are eating breakfast in bed after a subtle intro shot of a bee pollinating a flower outside the building.

Now for the Rose Ceremony.  Rachel gives the three remaining suitors a speech about how much she wants a proposal while looking directly at Peter.  She still gives Peter a rose though, after giving one to Bryan.  She says goodbye to Eric, who thanks her for the experience and is clearly bummed, but handles the break up very maturely.  Rachel goes back and toasts to "hard decisions".  We return to the live part of the show, where they bring out Eric to see Rachel for the first time since the scene we just saw.  He looks great and asks how Rachel is and reiterates that it was great to learn how to fall in love and I wouldn't be surprised if that was his audition to be the next Bachelor.

Again, back to Spain, it's time for Bryan's last chance date with Rachel.  They take a hot air balloon and we here lots of voice overs of Bryan idol worshiping Rachel.  He leaves no doubt in her mind where he stands.  In the evening, he gives her "Bryan and Rachel's Spanish Dictionary" which is an actual Spanish dictionary he taped a cover on and inserted a page with "important" words like husband, wife, and forever.

For Peter's last chance date, they go to an old church and get "advice" from a monk.  It's kind of a somber date as they yet again talk about how Peter isn't ready to propose but doesn't want to lose Rachel.  That evening they argue some more until Peter finally says he could compromise to not lose her which  makes Rachel more upset since she wants him to propose because he wants to.  It's really a no win situation since neither really want to compromise.  Peter gets mad and says fine, chose a mediocre life and a proposal over something great and no proposal.  Rachel says she was in a relationship before that seemed to be heading to marriage but it never got there so she just wants a proposal as proof of commitment.  To be fair to Peter, she's comparing him to a guy who took 5 years to get to almost proposing while Peter had barely 3 months.  They are both crying and say goodbye with an "I love you, Rachel" and an "I love you too."  It wasn't really clear what happened until we are back in the live show and bring out Peter.  That was a break-up, I guess.  Peter is still pretty hurt, and Rachel looks uncomfortable.  Peter tries to get closure and Rachel dismisses his feelings and gives a speech basically saying Peter shouldn't be the next Bachelor.

So now we know who wins, but the producers through in a few interviews where Rachel questions if she's rushing into this with Bryan, but no one believes for a minute she might turn down his proposal.  We get the obligatory Neil Lane visit to "sell" Bryan a ring before the final rose ceremony.  Bryan tells Rachel a "chemistry bomb had just exploded" during their first kiss and went on about how she's perfect and he loves her blah blah blah.  Rachel, presumably by Bachelor contract, has a statement prepared that starts out suspenseful before declaring her love.  Bryan proposes; Rachel responds "YES, give it to me;" they kiss and squeal and are engaged.

Back to the live show, Bryan comes out, re-proposes so Rachel can put the ring back on.  Bryan says his mom is thrilled, they say they don't know where they'll live yet, and Chris Harrison offers them another trip to Spain.  We end with a ridiculous teaser for Bachelor in Paradise which looks to be a shit show complete with love triangles, twins, trash-talking, and lots of tears.

The End.

P.S.  If you want to know how I feel about this season, I leave you with this: