Group Date #1: Obstacle Course inspired by marriage clichés
For the first date of the season, Clay, Nick, Chris (inexplicably called Chris R. even though he's the only Chris this season), David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln meet up with Becca at some place called Saddlerock Ranch. There are tuxedos and champagne waiting and Becca awkwardly spins around while they all change. Jordan decides to show off his modeling and gives Becca some confidence, telling her to "put the confidence on" before her pantyhose.
All dressed up, Becca leads the guys to a field where Rachel and Bryan are waiting to introduce them to "Groom's Day," a silly obstacle course with obstacles:
- ball and chain (literally drag a heavy ball on a chain)
- cold feet (sit in an ice bath for the length of an egg timer)
- slippery slope (climb up a greasy staircase)
- get over your exes (climb through some wooden X's, grab a bouquet, and put it in a bucket vase)
- cake tasting (dig through a cake without using hands to find a ring)
- race to the altar (run to propose to Becca)
Lincoln takes an early lead, mainly because he cheated on the cold feet part, if you ask any of the other guys. He wins and gets photo with Becca. That evening, he steals Becca first because they're married and they got married and married married married. Lincoln tells Becca she brings out the best in him. She asks why and he just says he's comfortable around her. She kisses him and gives him a framed photo from the date. He's thrilled. Like, way too thrilled. He says, and you can't make this shit up, "Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold" and dude needs to pump on the brakes a bit. Anyway, Lincoln rejoins the other guys, displaying his photo next to the group date rose. Other guys are not thrilled. Becca chats with some of the guys while Connor gets more an more agitated about Lincoln's photo to the point that he throws it out the window. Becca has her last drama-free moment of the season kissing Jean Blanc before Lincoln brings photogate to her attention. Sure, what Connor did was pretty shitty, but Lincoln hams it the fuck up, saying he feels threatened physically and says he's heartbroken and also cries. I'm all for men showing emotions, but Lincoln is a bit extra. Becca confronts Connor who stumbles through explaining why he did it. Becca says she wants a guy who respects other people and stuff and Connor is embarrassed. Jean Blanc gets the Group Date Rose and they all go home.
The next morning, Lincoln is telling the other guys about photogate and starts sobbing. Jordan thinks this shows "ingenuinity." Male models don't need to learn stuff good, I guess.
One-on-One Date: Were you guys aware that Becca has a Ex?
Blake gets the one-on-one date this week. They take a limo to an abandoned looking warehouse where Chris Harrison is waiting with a sledgehammer. Their date involves smashing things from Becca and Arie's relationship: a race car, champagne, monitors showing the proposal, and even the couch that Arie broke up with Becca on. Oh, and Lil John is going to serenade them with "Turn down for what" peppered with some lyrics about Arie.
Their evening portion is pretty bland: they have a nice conversation; Blake gets the rose, a kiss, and a steamy make-out session in an alley.
Group Date #2: Any excuse to make the guys wear short-shorts
Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton get picked up in a yellow school bus for their date. They roll up to a school where Becca greets them and introduces them to their trainers: three kids. Three kids who just verbally abuse them while they run around the gym and practice being pummeled with dodgeball. "Trash!" one kid yells at them, "Do you think Becca wants trash!?" It's pretty great, actually. They scrimmage. The team with Becca decides the best strategy is to hide being Becca since the other guys are hesitant to hurt her. Christon give zero fucks and just pelts her with the balls. This is not all just for good fun: the guys are going to compete in front of an audience of screaming Bachelor fans. It's Neon Pink vs the Green Frogs. The Green Frogs dominate, but it's close, thanks only to Leo, who singlehandedly wins won and almost wins the other two as well.
That evening, the winners jokingly ask if they need to hide the trophy. Becca chats with each of them, and since they won't fight each other to make this date exciting, someone has to tell Becca something dramatic... and that someone is Colton. Turns out, he spent a weekend with Tia (Becca's friend and Arie's fourth runner up). This makes Becca "feel a little bit sick." She's mostly annoyed because Colton is super hot and she was hoping to keep him around until the fantasy suites and now she has to worry about her friend's feelings. Becca gives Wills the group date rose and goes to sulk pensively in the dark.
Cocktail Party, or, "We have a naked male model"
Becca has some nice moments with some of the guys, but the night is basically all about Jordan, who decides to come out wearing just some boxer briefs, knowing full well it will put a target on his back. He says "tick tock, let's make it rock," and I really have no idea what he meant by that. He interrupts Becca and David chatting, so David is going to be the one taking the fall for complaining about Jordan not being here for the right reasons in some future episode for sure.
"I don't want you to misinterpret me as some guy thats, like, 007 all the time," Jordan monologues at Becca, "'cause I'm not. There's a lot to me. I'm really wild, I'm very spontaneous, I like to speed." Jordan goes on to say he likes to live life on the edge but "like a gentleman" as his hair will be "well-kept." He then loses me on some tangent about wanting a mini-me he can call Jordy who will sit on his shoulder and what, now? Meanwhile, David is pissed and confronts Jordan when he returns. He asks is he's more than a model, and Jordan doesn't really have an answer to that. He does tell the camera that if they took an IQ test, he'd "pass it [...] a little higher than you think a male model would," which is not very high Jordan, so, not too impressive there. David says he hopes Becca sees the"'ingenuine " side of Jordan, and Jordan responds with "it's ingenuinity," and someone buy these boys a dictionary.
So anyway, Jordan wears a pink blanky to the rose ceremony and claims showing his fashion and skin should guarantee him a rose. That, and he's one of less than 100 Wilhelmina Male Models in the US, which is supposed to be impressive, I guess. He somehow gets a rose, and Becca sends Rickey, Trent, and Alex home, who we barely know.
Great summary!
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