"Bring on the men!"

After a recap of JoJo's journey on Ben's season with the whole L word fiasco and some shots of JoJo staring into the ocean, JoJo sits down with former bachelorettes Ali, Des, and Kaitlyn so they can give her advice.  JoJo asks if they have any regrets and Kaitlyn emphatically says yes.  She has a little monologue about living too much in the moment and how she needed to take a step back.  Translation: she regrets sleeping with Nick.

Kaitlyn (still with Shawn), Ali (engaged to someone not Bachelor related; pregnant),
JoJo (our new Bachelorette), and Des (married to Chris and pregnant)

Next up we have a few intro videos:

• Grant is a firefighter from SF who said a lot of generic stuff about wanting to fall in love but ended with hoping that "JoJo is the one that lights my fire."  Get it?  Firefighter- lights my fire?  Oof, lets hope the producers weren't relying on their puns for comic relief.
• Jordan has a famous brother who is famous for succeeding in Jordan's former profession.  Though since Jordan isn't focusing on football, he can make a priority for love!  Even though that's no excuse considering his bro is still focusing on football and has a famous girlfriend.
• Alex is a marine and has a twin brother who is married and he's jealous, so he decided to go on TV to expedite the process of finding a wife.
• James S. is a "Bachelor Superfan" and that's still all we know about him.
• Evan used to be a pastor, but found a new calling: helping men get erections.
• Ali's family came here from Iran and he has a couple of successful older siblings who are hard to live up to, so I guess he decided to go a different route and not even try.  He's a bartender and from his video, a surfer/skateboarder with a cute dog.
• Christian has a boring nerdy job but makes up for it by getting up at 3:30am to work out everyday.  Also, he "grew-up biracial" which leaves one to wonder what he is now as an adult.
• Our last on location intro is Luke, the small-town country dude from Texas.

Let's head to the Bachelor mansion!  The limo entrances were pretty cringe worthy.  Some highlights:

• Robby brings JoJo a bottle of wine for them to take swigs from a la JoJo's mom during hometowns last season.
• Will "accidentally" drops his index cards as he gets out of the limo so he can do a "funny" gimmick where he reads them wrong.  It's terrible.
• Jonathan comes out of the limo in a kilt and tries to make a joke about how he has a big penis (Half Chinese, half Scottish- the Scottish half is below the waist), but it ends up coming out a little racist and crude and also JoJo didn't seem to get it.
• Saint Nick is next and his whole joke is saying "Jo Jo Jo" (instead of ho ho ho) and giving JoJo a gift.  You gotta hand it to him though, he proceeds into the mansion and pulls toys out of his bag to give to the other guys.
• Chase wears sunglasses with a fake mustache and says "I mustache you a question, but I'm going to shave it for later" (he takes off the mustache as he says shave).  Pun game not strong this season.
• Sal has some blue stress balls for JoJo and I guess just wanted to make jokes about his balls.
• Wells, the radio DJ, brought an acapella group, so that's cool I guess.
• Luke was the last to arrive, riding up on a white horse that he gave a unicorn horn in reference to JoJo's limo entrance where she wore a unicorn head.

Unsurprisingly, the other guys though this was dumb, but probably
because they were already bored of making fun of the guy in a kilt.

The night gets started quickly.  After JoJo welcomes the men, Alex immediately steals her away.  The guys are mad and jealous they didn't do it, so they bitch about Alex being "that guy" and "short" and they all sound like jerks.  The first kiss comes awkwardly forced from Will and his cootie catcher.  The second kiss, though, is from Jordan who JoJo is clearly into.  He hasn't even name dropped his brother yet!  Chad thinks he's a more manly and rugged version of Ben which he thinks is perfect for JoJo.  She seems to like him, but every time he speaks to the camera, he comes off as a complete tool.  After Daniel tries to explain his limo entrance ("Damn, JoJo!") which is related to some internet meme called "Damn Daniel," but fails, he gets "white Canadian wasted."  Somehow between poking a guy's belly button and making fun of suits, Daniel loses his clothes and jumps in the pool.  A couple other guys get drunk too, but all they do is interrupt an interview and slur words at JoJo.  Daniel continues to be creepy, Ali plays some piano, and JoJo sits on Santa's lap.  Jordan, fairly obviously to us viewers, gets the first impression rose and everyone's super stressed out in time for the rose ceremony.

I guess JoJo likes sitting on guys

But wait!  Just as JoJo's about to hand out her first rose, a car pulls up and Jake Pavelka (a former Bachelor) whisks her off!  They guys are pissed, but all for naught.  In a weird twist, Jake is actually an old family friend of JoJo's and just wants to wish her luck!  Ok.  Maybe just text next time rather than giving 26 men a heart attack.

Anyways, the men who went home this week were kilt guy and five others I know nothing about.

"From Ben to 26 new men"

We left off last season with heartbroken JoJo going home to Texas while Ben H. and Lauren B. rode off into the sunset of love.  We begin this season in less than a fortnight, where we'll get to meet the 26 men vying for JoJo's heart in person, but for now we are left to judge them based on one picture and answers to some less than inspired questions (i.e. "what's your favorite flower?" and "are you more party starter, wing man, or laid back?")

I get the kilt (probably heritage related blah blah blah)
but a Santa costume?  He'd better have a great pun to go with it.

The guys are aged 25-34 and include 2 Canadians, 8 Californians, 5 Floridians, 2 guys from JoJo's home state of Texas, and then some guys from other random states.  Six of them look to be not white dudes, which sadly seems super diverse for the Bachelor franchise.

Here are some gems from the guys' bios:

• Brandon, a 28 year old from LA, has the profession of "hipster."  So, ugh, already.
• Chad (first off, his name is Chad) answered three questions similar to "who do you admire most in the world and why?" with "myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright" and thinks his greatest achievement in life is being born good looking, which is more your mom's achievement, but ok.
• Derek is a 29 year old commercial banker who (a) hates cucumbers and (b) has a serious fear of fluffy kittens.  So clearly there is something wrong with him (to my readers who may not know this about me, I LOVE cucumbers.  Also, more obviously, fluffy kittens.)
• Daniel is a 31 year old male model who used a lambo (as in Lamborghini, the luxury car) as a metaphor for his body not once, but twice.
• Evan is a clear winner: he's a 33 year old erectile dysfunction expert who's favorite kind of dancing is "booty" and doesn't like girls with chipped nail polish or serious food allergies.
• James S. is 27 years old and apparently his "occupation" is Bachelor Superfan.
• James Taylor is a singer-songwriter named James Taylor.
• Jordan is a former pro QB, and for all my sports/Bachelor cross over fans, is the younger brother of Aaron Rogers currently playing for the Green Bay Packers.  And when asked what the wildest thing he's done in the bedroom, he answered with trying to hang a TV on the wall with out a stud finder.  Hot.
• Nick S. is a software salesman who doesn't like "scary cheeses" and I don't know what that means.
• Robby was the only guy to not answer the favorite flower question with "rose, duh," and instead went for honeysuckle.
• Wells is a 31 year old radio DJ who doesn't like pizza or cats, and what the hell man.

The rest of the dudes seemed pretty ok, or at least had no super weird answers to questions.  But then, the ones who seem normal at first often have a little bit of drama hidden up their sleeves.  So stock up on that wine and I'll see y'all in 10 days for The Bachelorette Premiere!

"I don't want to say goodbye to you"

First off, our favorite host Chris Harrison welcomes us to what might be the wedding of Ben and his lucky lady!  Chris has pulled out all the stops: both girl's families are waiting backstage (notably absent are JoJo's brothers), Ben's parents AND their hometown pastor are in attendance, and Neil Lane is in the front row with some wedding bands in tow.  But first, we have to go back to Jamaica.

We start with some pensive-stare-at-water shots of the three.  Ben has no idea what to do and hopes his parents will just make the decision for him.   Lauren thinks everything feels so right with Ben.  JoJo thinks she's finally in a fairy tale, which makes me wonder what fairy tales she read as a kid.

Ben briefs the 'rents on the two ladies and how he loves them both.  Mom says "it's really disturbing to me," and Bachelor viewers across the country nod in agreement.

Ben's mom is very relatable.

Lauren's up first and it's wholly undramatic.  She's poised and sweet and tells Ben's parents how much she loves him.  She tells Mama Higgens how she can't believe she's gotten to fall in love with someone so perfect and mom just laughs.

JoJo comes bearing a tacky shell/flower arrangement as a gift.  Ben tells his parents about moments he and JoJo has shared and said they flew over Hoover Dam in a helicopter but didn't get to see it because wink wink nudge nudge.  JoJo gets rightfully embaressed and Ben's mom asks "too much cuddle time?"  It was an awkward thing for Ben to bring up, almost as awkward as Nick V. telling his mom that he liked making out with Kaitlyn.

You can see where Ben gets his weird "you're too happy I need to see you cry" thing, as it appears Ben's mom likes JoJo better since they've "already gone through some non-ideal situations" and JoJo mentions how Ben has faults.  Ben's mom seems to think Ben can't take care of himself and implies that she likes JoJo better for Ben since she already knows he's not perfect.

Ben's parents like them both, though, and Ben's frustrated he still doesn't know who to propose to.  Or, as his mom said, "who to plant his stake with,"  and I don't know if that's a saying in Indiana or just really bad sexual innuendo.

Lauren's last chance to win Ben includes a boat ride and a vague question and answer session.  Ben's biggest concern is that it's too perfect, and Ben, that's what most people are going for.

JoJo's final time with Ben includes another waterfall and crying in a bathroom.  JoJo asks Ben if he loves Lauren too and if she knows and Ben says yes to both.  JoJo says she's tired of competing, and, well, you did sign up for a show where you compete for a husband, so...

Ben's distressed, but luckily we have Neil Lane and his gaudy expensive diamonds to help give Ben some clarity.  It seems to work, because now Ben knows who he's buying the ring for.

Somehow the most tears in this episode came from Ben.

Final rose ceremony time and JoJo is first up, which we all know is bad news.  She has a nice speech about how she loves Ben and he's her best friend and all that, to which Ben responds "I...... uh..... "  He then tells her he "found [love] with [her], but found it with someone else more."  JoJo is, of course, blindsided and heartbroken and Ben walks her to a limo (even though she arrived in a helicopter?).

Ben is sad and says stuff like "I don't deserve JoJo," but pulls himself together to call Lauren's dad to ask for permission because the patriarchy is still alive and well.  He gets Daddy Bushnell's blessing, fist pumps the air and then Lauren arrives.  She also gives an I love you speech, and Ben pauses for so long I'm pretty sure it was part of the Bachelor contract to add suspense.  Anyway, Ben proposes with a god-awful diamond ring and Lauren accepts.  They both tell each other they're each other's "person" and then Ben hands out the final rose to a "Yes!  Give me that!"

I guess Ben decided to settle for "too perfect."

Time for After the Final Rose!  Well, more of it anyway.  Throughout the whole episode we got glimpses at the live studio audience watching plus way to many shots of Ben's pastor flipping through the Bible and walking down halls.  JoJo gets to see Ben for the first time since he broke her heart and Lauren and Ben can be seen in public for the first time.  Chatting with JoJo is more calm and less emotional than I think any other season.  JoJo seems to have actually gotten over it- even after having to re-watch the heartbreak.  And no wonder she seems fine, because she's the next Bachelorette!  What's that they always say?  The best way to get over a man is to get under 25 new men?  Something like that.

Lauren comes out, Jimmy Kimmel does a bit ("where do babies come from?" and "what happens in the fantasy suite?") and then Chris tries to get Ben and Lauren to get married on the spot.  They decline (and why wouldn't they?  ABC will probably pay for a much fancier one later), but the families come out and Ben re-proposes to Lauren and everyone cheers.  Love conquers all, you guys!

Join me in May to watch JoJo find a husband on TV!
And hopefully we get to see more of her  judgmental brothers!

"You're on the Mount Rushmore"

Ah, Women Tell All.  The episode where the 28 ladies who thought a reality show was a great place to find a husband get one last chance to embarrass themselves on national TV audition for Bachelor in Paradise redeem themselves.

First though, we get to see the highlight reel of Ben and Chris Harrison crashing Bachelor viewing parties.  And by "highlight reel," I mean we get to hear a lot of women screaming, and one woman basically saying she'd leave her husband for Ben.

Because Tiara's only role on this show was to have a weird "occupation"

After a recap of this season's drama, the girls waste no time in complaining about Olivia.  Tiara's chicken (remember the chicken enthusiast?  Yeah, she brought her chicken, Shelia, to the show), interrupts by flying onto Lace.  Chris takes this chance to change the discussion to Leah and she tries to defend herself but doesn't do a good job convincing people she "didn't intend to lie."  Shelia interrupts again with a squawk, because, as Tiara said, "Shelia doesn't like liars."  Chris takes this moment to now switch to the Jubilee drama.  Amber and Jami accuse her of saying offensive things and try to talk about race and Jubilee apologizes that she sometimes says offensive things.  Shushanna apparently can speak (and in English, no less) and has a lot to say.

Chris Harrison breaks this up and brings Jubilee up to the hot seat to talk about her time with Ben.  They have a heart to heart and Chris says, "I know you can't control how complicated you are," as if complicated is bad, and oh wait, complicated is bad if your self worth depends on if some guy likes you, which is pretty much the premise of this show.  We learn that Jubilee is doing well and made sergeant and everyone cheers her service to our country.

Who is this guy?  This is almost too ridiculous to be fake.

Lace's turn on the hot seat, and she admits that she didn't know how to handle herself and that she's changed and tries not to use the word "crazy" so much.  Her interview ends with one of the three men in the audience popping up to say "You're not crazy... but you are crazy beautiful," and to prove that point, takes off his shirt to reveal a tattoo of Lace's face.  Chris then invites Lace to Bachelor in Paradise and she accepts.

It's the everyone hates Olivia show!  Starring: The Twins!

And of course Olivia gets a turn in the hot seat and the rest of the women are ready to go at her.  The twins lead the charge.  Olivia says she mostly kept to herself and said it was a difficult journey and hard to watch.  The twins say, no, you berated Amanda and called me a slut and were a bully.  Amanda pipes up to confront Olivia about all the mean things she said about how Ben should run away from moms and says "Being a mom is my jam" (cheers all around).  Olivia tries to defend herself before launching into a monologue about how she was bullied as a child and now she's being harassed online and she's sorry for saying and doing things on the show that hurt other girls.  Bullying and online harassment is no joke, but maybe if Olivia hadn't began with her "I'm smart and confident" speech and trying to defend her actions, her apology would have held more weight.  Also, being bullied as a kid doesn't make it okay to bully other people as an adult (Olivia is not the only person at fault here- the other girls making fun of her breath/cankles is not nice, either).   Even though I don't like Olivia, I realize it's more or less like disliking a fictional character, and I'm not going to go harass the real Olivia that character is based on.  Like with Kelsey from Chris Soules' season though, I feel like if an entire group of women unanimously dislikes you, it may be a good time for some self reflection on how you interact with people.  Still, regardless of whether Olivia actually is a mean girl or not, she should not be cyber-bullied (last year's Men Tell All with Kaitlyn went into more depth on this topic).

Next, Chris brings up Caila and they have a boring conversations about feelings and how Caila just wants to find real love.

Almost makes me miss Juan Pablo, his segment on WTA was a lot more dramatic;
but I guess this is what we get for having the most perfect bachelor in the planet of history.

Moving on, it's time to bring Ben out to face a bunch of women he dumped on national television!  It's not as dramatic as it would sound.  The girls mostly tell Ben they hope he's happy and Ben gives very diplomatic and uncontroversial answers to all the girls' questions.  Ben reveals he's in love (which we already know because he told both his final two that he loves them) and engaged (which anyone who spends time on the internet/standing in line at a grocery store that sells tabloids already knows).  Chris asks him one last tough question:  which twin in which.  He nails it, and I'm actually impressed by that.

Everyone's favorite time of the night: Bloopers!  This seasons reel is mostly the ladies and Ben spilling their drinks plus Becca forgetting what season she's on and calling Ben Chris.

And of course we get a preview of the MOST DRAMATIC BACHELOR FINALE EVER.  Next week come back for tears from everyone and a disapproving mom!

To Jamaica and Love

"I think we should take advantage of this."

After standing and starting pensively at various bodies of water, Ben collects Caila for their date.  They head down a river on a raft and it is awkwardly silent the whole time.  Caila's apparently just realized Ben is dating two other girls pretty seriously and Ben doesn't know what's wrong.  Cut to the evening portion, Ben confronts her about being uncomfortable and we see that Caila has spent the afternoon rehearsing her "I love you" speech.  Ben is thrilled, because he didn't want to miss out of spending the night with Sex Panther.

"My day is really filled with cuteness."

Lauren's up next, and Ben takes her to a beach where they get to help release baby hawksbill sea turtles and all the girls should be mad, because Lauren B. gets all the best dates.  Everything about this date is super cute and it ends with them kissing in the ocean under double rainbows.  I mean, come on.

That evening they go to some small Jamaican concert so we can listen to a song about love while we hear Lauren's voice-over about how she's afraid to tell Ben she loves him.  Ben is worried that he doesn't know where Lauren stands, even after she just told him she could see a future with him and that she thinks he's amazing and that he's "legitimately" the man of her dreams.  Anyway, they forgo their individual rooms and Lauren ends up telling him she loves him.  And then, Ben says he's known for a while that he's in love with her.  HOLD UP.  He is so not allowed to say that.  But he keeps saying it!  The next morning, Lauren says how nice it is to have mornings with him, and Ben responds, "I do love you."  He broke the seal on the L word and he just can't hold it in.  So this means he's going to send Caila and JoJo home immediately, right?

"It doesn't scare me to tell you that."

Wrong.  Ben takes JoJo in a helicopter to jump into some cool looking waterfalls.  JoJo wastes no time in telling Ben she loves him, and what do you know, Ben loves her too!  JoJo's response is all of us: "What?  Are you allowed to say that?"  Ben soothes her worries with a kiss, but damn, Ben, are you ever digging yourself a hole.

During dinner, Ben confronts JoJo about her brothers, and she convinces Ben they'll get along and that they were just being protective and were uncomfortable with the situation.  That settled, they head inside to their hot tub and champagne and sex.

"I thought I'd be getting engaged in a week and a half."

Ben gets a day to collect his thoughts and is kind of realizing the L word was not a great thing to have said to two girls, but that's a problem for next week.  This week he just has to break up with Caila.  Caila, meanwhile, wants to surprise Ben because she misses him, but she does not get the reaction she hoped for.  It pretty quickly becomes clear that Ben is going to break up with her.  She takes it well, all things considered.  He walks her to the car, but before it can drive away, she yells wait! and hops out to ask Ben if he knew on their date (ie did you just want to sleep with me), and of course he claims he didn't know until he was able to reciprocate the "I love yous" to the other girls.

The "this is completely new information to me and I definitely
did not just hear a different girl say the same thing" look

And because apparently more than one rule can't be broken each episode, we still have a rose ceremony.  Each girl comes in alone and tells Chris that Ben reciprocated their I love yous (as if he didn't already know).  They stand around and make awkward small chat about why Caila isn't there and how there are only two roses until Ben comes out and still hands out the roses, dramatic pauses and everything.  They have an awkward group hug and both girls give toasts while the other glares.

Next week, we get a break from Ben's "I love you" disaster for Women Tell All!  The return of the twins, Olivia's mouth, and presumably a heartbroken Caila.

"I don't think I can picture a better place to die."

Hometowns!  The week where the four remaining girls make their familys (who did not sign up for this) be on tv and meet their boyfriend who has three other girlfriends.

I really have nothing snarky to say about Amanda here.

Amanda's up first, where she gets to see her kids for the first time since this "journey" began, and they all play on the beach with Ben.  Other than Kinsley and Charlie's totally inappropriate beach footwear, it's actually pretty adorable and Ben is super sweet with them all.  They then drive to Amanda's house with Charlie crying in the back seat.  Ben looks a little deer-in-headlights as he goes in to meet the family.  They all have concerns about Ben being ready to be an instadad, but all the conversations go pretty smoothly.

WHISKEY

From the OC, we go up to Portland (the City of Roses, we learn) to meet up with Lauren B.  They eat greasy food at food trucks and then go to a whiskey library where they had a conversation or something but all I could focus on was the fact that they weren't drinking any whiskey.  And then when they finally showed them with glasses, they got up to leave and left mostly full glasses behind.  I mean, come on guys!  All the fancy whiskey in the world that ABC was paying for, and you had two sips?  Anyway, Let's move on and meet Lauren B.'s family.

Lauren B.'s, or "LoLo's," sister Molly is the star of this hometown visit.  She tells Ben she "doesn't want to grill him or be the mean sister" then lists all the reasons Lauren is amazing and asks Ben, "but why do you like her?"  Ben tears up at this and Molly is sold.  A man is crying!  It must be true love!  Lauren gushes about Ben to her dad who responds, "nobody's perfect," and tries to bring a little realism into her life.  Nice try, dad, but LoLo went on tv to fall in love, and realism has no place on reality shows.

Nothing says love like coloring.

From Oregon, we head to Ohio, where Caila's parents live.  Caila's dad owns a toy factory, so Ben and Caila build a house together.  A plastic, toy house, but still.  And because that wasn't totally over-the-top, Ben carries Caila out of the factory at the end of the day while factory workers clap.

Next we meet Caila's mom, dad, and brother for some delicious looking Filipino food.  Caila's dad has a speech about how if you marry Caila, you marry into a Filipino culture as well, because that's what he did too, and segues into "marriage is important and a vow blah blah blah."  Caila has a chat with her dad and whispers "Daddy, I know this is it," and he responded, but all I got from the rest of their exchange is that her dad was wearing orange pants.

In which JoJo's mom becomes my spirit animal.

Last, but not least, we head to Dallas where JoJo arrives home to a dozen red roses.  She obviously thinks their from Ben and excitedly opens the letter which reveals they're actually from her ex, Chad.  JoJo, you should have realized they weren't from Ben- he can't just dole out roses uninhibitedly!  There are still some rules!  Also, "Chad?" Really? We're supposed to pretend he's real?  Anyway, she calls Chad to say WTF and Ben shows up to an emotionally distraught JoJo.  He's pretty uncomfortable at first, but is soothed when he hears JoJo called Chad to say it was over.

No fun Texas hometown activity, they go straight to JoJo's family mansion and into Ben's personal hell.  JoJo's parents are pretty ok with Ben and welcoming.  JoJo's mom encourages JoJo with "You're not going to get hurt.  You're beautiful!" as if that's how it works.  JoJo's brothers, on the other hand, are waaaaaay too attached to JoJo and make their best effort to lose the show for JoJo.  Ben (JoJo's brother Ben) tells Ben (the Bachelor Ben) that he's brainwashing the girls and needs to back off.  To be fair, Brother Ben was also on a reality show to "find love," and maybe he was a manipulative douchebag on the show and believes all men who are in that situation probably act the same way.  JoJo mysteriously gone, her whole family hangs with Ben in the kitchen while her brothers continue to berate him.  Mom takes a swig straight from the champagne bottle and Dad tries to defuse the situation.   All in all, not a great homecoming.

Rose ceremony time.  Lauren B., Caila, and JoJo get roses, and Ben has to explain to Amanda why he made her leave her kids again just to get heartbroken.  Ben is actually pretty broken up about this, and cries in the courtyard for a depressing end to this episode.

You and me both, Ben,

So thank goodness for the credits!  We get to see Lauren B.'s little brothers try to grill Ben by asking about the fantasy suite.  Ben takes a few gulps of wine and tries to say something about sex by trying to not say anything about sex.  It's sufficiently awkward.

Lost this week:
Amanda, who despite her questionable fashion choice for this episode, really does seem like a good mom.

"I'm still #TeamBen"

Week 7 brings us to Ben's hometown of Warsaw, IN.  It is decidedly more happening than Arlington, IA, where Chris took the girls last year.  Ben starts off by meeting his parents in a diner and telling them about his last six ladies.  They look pretty unconvinced about the whole process.

The final six.

The girls are totally naturally walking in a classic autumn scene and oh look!  Piles of leaves!  Let's have a leaf fight!  This was totally not staged.  Also totally not staged was their surprise when Ben picked them up on a boat while they were conveniently standing on a dock.  Ben takes them to their home for the week and then asks Lauren B. to join him on a date after making joke about his parents having sex.

Lauren B. gets a tour of Ben's old haunts: his high school, his church, the movie theater (now hotel) where he had his first kiss.  And lucky us, we get to hear that story.  "I want to kiss you but I don't know how," Ben said at age 13 to land his first kiss, and again at age 26 to land one with Lauren B. Next they go to the Baker Youth Club where Ben used to work.  Ben is really good with kids and Lauren B. ate it all up.  They jump rope, play ball, girls giggle, and Ronnie the Half Court King sinks a shot, forcing Ben to kiss Lauren B. in front of 100 kids.  Then, surprise! Ben invites the Indiana Pacers to hang with the kids.  Ben consoles a crying kid and it's adorable.

Here kids, watch these people you just met kiss.

Ben and Lauren B.'s evening portion consists of resolving the non-existent issues that Leah brought up last week.  Then they go to Ben's favorite dive bar and take shots with a group of people who may or may not be Ben's friends.

JoJo gets the next one-on-one and the other girls pout.  Because they've clearly exhausted anything interesting in Indiana, Ben and JoJo go to Wrigley Field in Chicago and wear Mr. and Mrs. Higgens jerseys, roll around in the grass, and "eat" dinner on a tiny table in the field.  JoJo shares her fears with Ben, Ben says some articulate and comforting things and suddenly JoJo isn't scared anymore.

I would actually love this date.  Except at the Giant's ballpark,
and the jersey would have my name.

The last group date of the season has Becca, Amanda, and Caila playing in boats and with kites.  They all talk to Ben: Amanda wants to squeeze her kids, Caila thinks she's moss, and Becca is concerned about Ben being at the same place in their relationship as she is.  Ben gives Amanda a rose and whisks her off.  Becca and Caila look like they could kill someone.

They shouldn't feel too bad, because Ben takes Amanda to McDonald's in the worst product-placement date ever.  Ben exclaims he's always wanted to go behind the counter, so Ben and Amanda work the drive-thru before feeding each other greasy fries. At least Ben takes Amanda to a Carnival afterwards which looked like actual fun.

Attempting to romanticize minimum wage.

Last but not least, Emily gets a one-on-one.  Ben takes her home to meet his parents.  She babbles uncontrollably to Mother Higgens who looks slightly horrified at the prospect of her son marrying a wannabe NFL cheerleader.  She informs Father Higgens that she likes movies and hates vegetables.  They are all quite nice to her and Ben's parents are very diplomatic in talking about her.

Ben takes Emily back across the lake and breaks up with her while the other girls peer out the window and watch.  They console crying Emily who then gives a surprising sane exit interview after that word vomit of a date with Ben's parents.

Is Lauren B. trying to console her or put her out of her misery?

Dramatic music brings us into the rose ceremony and Ben doesn't know what to do.  Good ol' Chris Harrison, psychologist, to the rescue.  He asks Ben who maybe doesn't seem like good wife material and Ben makes up his mind.  Ben does exactly what Becca asked him not to do the day before: blindside her by not giving her a rose.

Chris Harrison, earning his paycheck.

Girls sent home, but not to hometowns:
Emily, who loves ducks because she never sees them in Vegas,
and Becca, who will have to forgo sex a little longer.