Time for the cocktail party, except, no, wait, Nick's made up his mind and we're going straight to the rose ceremony! The girls act shaken, but it's not like the cancelled cocktail party doesn't happen every season around this time. Alexis, Jaimi, and Josephine go home because they have zero relationship with Nick and were just kept around for entertainment (Alexis), a potential gay story line (Jaimi), and a friend for Corinne (Josephine).
Now we head to the island of St. Thomas. Nick meets the girls on a dock just to whisk Kristina away on a one-on-one date. They're all a little bummed, but especially Jasmine, since she thought it should be her turn to get some time with Nick. The girls sit around their hotel room while Vanessa shares this fun fact about how the island used to be owned by Denmark, but has been owned by the US for almost exactly 100 years! None of the girls are interested. But then there's a knock on the door and a woman named Lorna walks in and says she's basically their maid. Corinne lights up at this because her plan for the day of staying in bed and drinking champagne can now include sitting by the pool and having a St. Thomas version of Raquel bring her pina coladas and lobster dip!
Let's go to Nick and Kristina's date for some adult conversation. Kristina shares with Nick her backstory: she was living in extreme poverty with her mom in Russia, was kicked out when her mom got mad, spent much of her childhood in a Russian orphanage, and then was adopted by an American family. It's an incredibly heart wrenching story that I can't do justice on a blog I created to judge people. Nick didn't know how to respond considering his usual response to the girls' sob stories is to talk about getting dumped on TV twice, and that just wasn't going to cut it here. So she gets the rose, and they make-out surrounded by drummers and dancers they just happen upon.
Time for a group date! Rachel, Raven, Vanessa, Corinne, Danielle M., and Jasmine go drink and play beach volleyball. Then it seems like they skip some major plot points, because all of the sudden, everyone is upset and not wanting to continue to play volleyball. We only see one conversation, with Nick and Jasmine, where Jasmine confronts Nick about not noticing her and tells him she wants to choke him. Realizing this isn't a great thing to say, she tries to make it a sexual joke and mimes choking him and says the word choke way too many times. Nick is clearly uncomfortable. Then we see shots of the girls crying and sitting morosely on the beach, and Nick staring out to sea, discouraged.
Luckily, Nick has the evening to try to salvage this date, but it doesn't really work. All of the girls tell him it's difficult and today sucked. Jasmine brings up choking him again and he sends her home.
So with that to set the mood, Nick heads into a two-on-one date with Whitney and Danielle L. It is the shortest date in Bachelor history. He briefly talks to them individually and then sends Whitney home. He and Danielle L. head out in a helicopter and leave Whitney alone on the deserted beach. Danielle L. informs us she is "inches away from falling off that cliff" of falling in love. At dinner, Nick lets Danielle L. babble until she admits she's actually falling off that cliff and then sends her home.
Nick feels shitty for sending these lovely ladies home, and goes to visit the six women who somehow still want to marry him to cry about having to break up with hot girls. He leaves them all a little freaked out and we get another goddamn to be continued ending.
post script: sorry for the lack of visuals this episode recap. I will, however, leave you with this shot of the girls talking about Nick in bed at the hotel with an artistic perspective made, I'm sure, to include empty wine bottles:
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