Whipped Cream and Lies

We start this episode right back in the Corinne-Taylor drama.  Corinne is calling Taylor all sorts of mean things to the camera (dumb bitch, disgusting, idiot, stank face, to name a few), and even though she pulled Taylor aside to confront her, tried to turn herself into the victim.  They argue- Taylor trying to use reason against Corinne, which is just futile.  Corinne is accusing her of being a bully and being condescending and rude to all the other girls, which you know isn't true because the Bachelor producers love airing anything that causes drama and we've seen none of this.  We also know this isn't true because Corinne is insane.  Corinne then goes to Nick and tells him a bunch of horrible things about Taylor, which apparently Nick takes as maturity on Corinne's part.  Corinne uses such compelling arguments as "She thinks she's entitled to whatever she's entitled to."

Time for the rose ceremony!  Thanks to the promise of a fight to the death two-on-one date with Taylor and Corinne, we know neither of them are going home tonight despite the producers best suspenseful music. Instead, Sarah and Astrid go home, presumably because they are nice, drama-free girls.

The rest of the girls head on to New Orleans!  Alexis is excited because she "like[s] gators, grits, and a good time."   Chris Harrison comes to break the news of the date situation this week:  a one-on-one, a group, and a two-on-one date.  They girls talk about how awful it would be to go on a two-on-one and speculate on who will go as if they don't all see how painfully obvious it is that Corinne and Taylor will be going on that one.  But before we are forced to watch that train wreck, we get to see an incredibly pleasant date with Rachel.

Is it too early to say #RachelforBachelorette?

Rachel and Nick wander around New Orleans trying on masks, eating oysters and beignets, and getting to join a Second Line.  During dinner in what appears to be a warehouse filled with parade floats, they talk about family.  Nick tells Rachel about his insecurities with asking two girls' parents for permission to marry him and how he'll probably be asking three more.  Rachel says she likes that he's being open and vulnerable about things all of America already know.  Rachel's going to go far, though.  Nick asked if he'd have to call her dad, a federal judge, "sir" and then says "I might be breaking rules here, but I'm super into you."  She get's the rose (duh), and says "I don't believe in fairy tales, but I believe in today, and today was a fairy tale," which I'm pretty sure is a false statement based on conditional probability or something.

Nothing says romantic like a fake-spooky game

The group date goes to a haunted plantation where a bad actor named Boo pretends to be the housekeeper and informs five ladies and Nick that a kid named Mae died of yellow fever and terrorizes people because she just wants her doll.  Raven says "I did not sign up to be one of the Ghostbusters.  If I see one, I'm going to rebuke that thing in the name of Jesus."  All of the girls admit to believing in ghosts except for Jasmine, who tries on a hat in the dead girl's room and can't even be bothered to learn her name (she calls her "Molly or Mary or whatever").  They get drinks and cheers to Mae and then pull out a Ouija board.  Once they ask some dumb questions about who Nick is going to pick (as if the spirit world cared), they ask about Mae and suddenly spooooooky things start happening while they look around the house.  Nick talks to some of the girls and Raven accidentally tells him she loves him.  Danielle M gets the rose.

Back at the house, 31 year old Rachel is stuck with 23/24 year old Taylor/Corinne playing therapist.  Corinne deals with her nerves by ordering a shit ton of room service and taking a bubble bath with champagne.  Taylor meditates.  Corinne lectures us on how there are different kinds of "intelligency", and how hers is more colorful than Taylor.  She also says "No votes for Taylor.  Make America Corinne Again," and she is getting less amusing and more annoying by the minute.

This may be the most dramatic date this season...

... but it still doesn't beat the Ashley I/Kelsey 2-on-
date in the Badlands during Chris Soules season

Nick takes Taylor and Corinne into the bayou for some voodoo stuff.  They get their cards read by a tarot reader who was clearly filled in on the drama before the date.  Corinne gets to speak to Nick first and spends the whole time bashing Taylor.  Taylor decides to not spend her time with Nick talking about Corinne, but that's all Nick wants to talk about.  Corinne, meanwhile, asks the tarot reader how to make a voodoo doll specific to a person, which is not subtle at all.  Corinne and Taylor are then briefly left alone, and Taylor questions her being able to run a multi-million dollar business, and Corinne doesn't actually defend herself on this point!  Taylor then says Nick is smart and observant and you know she's going home because Nick is neither of those things even when half of the other girls have complained about Corinne to him already, and yet none of them seem to have a problem with Taylor.  Earlier, Taylor said "if Nick gives Corinne the rose today, he's thinking with his dick," which he so obviously is!  He's only keeping Corinne around because he wants to sleep with her.

So Corinne gets the rose, and she and Nick boat off- her clutching both a rose and a voodoo doll.  Taylor wanders through the woods back to the voodoo folk who "cleanse" her or something, so she can go back to the city and cause a bit more drama before she leaves.  We get to see the beginning of Nick and Corinne's dinner where Corinne is still talking about how awful Taylor was.

Taylor says (as she walks in to disrupt this dinner) that "Corinne cares about Corinne and I give her credit because she gets what she wants [...it's] very toddler-like," which sounds a lot like a certain public figure now attempting to run the country....

Tune in next week for (hopefully) the last of this drama!