This week the girls get to stay on a boat hotel on the Seine River, which actually kind of warrants their squeals and running around upon arriving. Not to let them enjoy themselves too much, Chris Harrison shows up to inform them there will be four dates this week: two one-on-ones, one group date, and *gasp* a two-on-one date. Krystal, being very self-aware for the villain of this show responds with an "I wonder who will be on the two-on-one with me?" Lauren B. is up first though, with the first one-on-one.
Arie and Lauren's date consists of wandering around Paris, with Arie pointing at things and Lauren saying nothing more than wow. It's awkward, and Arie isn't sure he can make a connection with Lauren if she can't open up. Somehow, though, during dinner, despite still saying very little, Arie is won over and Lauren gets some kisses and a rose.
Next up is the group date. Becca K, Bekah M, Sienne, Tia, Chelsea, and Jenna get to go to the Moulin Rouge, dress up, and learn to dance, though we never really see why. For the evening portion, Arie pretty much just kisses them all. There is no meaningful enough discussion for me to take any note of. Bekah M gets the group date rose, which means she gets to perform with Arie at the Moulin Rouge, while the other girls sulkily watch. Arie tells us the Moulin Rouge is "sexy and cool," which is exactly what he said about Fort Lauderdale.
And now for the much anticipated two-on-one date. Kendall, unfortunately, has to deal with Hurricane Krystal on this one. Krystal's not worried, though; she laughs at Kendall's stressed reaction to the date card, and proclaims herself "fun wife material." The date brings Arie, Krystal, and Kendall to an old chateau where they look at art and get lost in a labyrinth. They cheers in front of a fancy fountain and Arie takes Krystal aside to chat. They seem to patch things up from last week, kiss, and it all seems peachy until Krystal brings up Kendall and tells Arie she doesn't think Kendall's ready for love/marriage. Noooooo, Krystal, don't you know that talking about another contestant to the lead leads to being sent home? Arie tells Kendall what Krystal says, and Kendall confronts Krystal. But instead of asking "WTF crazy lady?" Kendall tries to connect with Krystal and gives a little speech about insecurity, imperfection, and empathizing with her. Krystal says, "I don't really have words," which was hardly the appropriate response to that veritable olive branch. Arie shows up to pick up the rose, but doesn't give it away yet. Both girls get to go to dinner, and apparently talk to Arie, though we see none of these conversations, and instead see Arie ramble about logic and intuition before giving Kendall the rose. Back on the boat-hotel, the girls cheer and pop champagne when producers roll Krystal's suitcase away. Krystal looks broodingly out a chateau window while Kendall and Arie make-out in the Eiffel Tower.
Jaqueline gets the last date of this episode. She says one of my favorite quotes about getting a date card:
"When I got the date card, I felt like I was given a pony for Christmas. But it's also, like, if you don't learn to ride this pony correctly by the end of the day, it'll be shot."
Arie comes to pick her up in a little Triumph car which immediately breaks down. Arie gets to be all "manly and mechanic-y" and Jaqueline eats it up. "It is hot when guys who know things about things do things about things and talk about them," Jaqueline observes. Arie then takes her shopping, buys her a dress and shoes for dinner at a fancy restaurant. They chat about Arie being intimidated by her intelligence and how she's planning on getting a PhD. It's an uncharacteristically serious and real conversation. Despite reservations, Arie gives Jaqueline the rose. They relocate to a more scenic location to make-out.
No cocktail party this week, it's straight to the rose ceremony. Chelsea and Jenna go home. Surprisingly and unsurprisingly, respectively. The episode weirdly ends with Lauren having an almost compete-break down with a producer in a dimly lit area. Then we get a preview of the rest of the season and it's literally just everyone crying.
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