"I wasn't hiding in my room, I was investing in myself."

"Did you guys go to the beach?" Dad asked, arriving home from work on a hot, summer's day.
"We rode bikes!" his children replied as a chorus.

Wait, I got that wrong.  Let's start over.

"Did you guys go to the beach?" Arie asked, arriving at a hotel to pick up one of his 13 girlfriends for a date.
"We rode bikes!" 13 twenty-something girls replied as a chorus.

"I'm on a dreamboat, but I'm also with a dreamboat!"

Arie and his girls are now in Fort Lauderdale.  Chelsea gets the first one-on-one date this week and they go yachting and jet skiing, conveniently in view of a telescope on the balcony of where they are all staying.  The other girls get the opportunity of seeing Chelsea straddle Arie on a jet ski and make-out with him, which seems incredibly unsafe.  In the evening portion, surrounded by a bunch of old cars for some reason, they talk about Chelsea's ex, aka the father of her kid who left her when the kid was 6 months old and is now married and has a kid with the other woman.  It's sad and Arie gives her the rose.  They then just happen to wander over to where some band called Tenille Arts is playing for them.

"Hurricane Krystal"

For the group date this week, Arie takes 11 of the girls bowling.  Which was going fine until they threw in a competition.  Per usual, the winners of said competition would get to go to the evening portion of the date.  And per usual, the lead invited the losers anyway.  Pretty standard Bachelor storyline, which would be nothing to talk about, except other seasons did not have Krystal.  Krystal is on the winning team and is absolutely furious that Arie invited the losers.  She apparently throws a fit on the bus ride back to the hotel (transportation is apparently not recorded), and everyone is pissed while preparing for their evening with Arie, none more so than Krystal, who straight up refuses to join the after party.  Many of the girls comment that they don't want this day to be all about Krystal, yet none of them stop talking about her.

The group date girls minus Krystal join Arie at the hotel bar, I guess, for the evening.  He doesn't even notice Krystal isn't there, and some girl immediately points it out.  So much for not making this date about Krystal.  Arie, being a gentleman, goes upstairs to check on Krystal.  She kind of whines at him about feeling hurt and he lectures her and puts her in time-out before returning to the other girls.  We get to see Arie talk to four of the girls:

• Kendall tells Arie about her past relationships and says that this on is different because the process is making her take things slower, which is completely baffling considering this show requires you to go from strangers to engaged after spending like 3 days worth of 1-on-1 time with someone spread over 10 weeks.
• Arie is still scared of Bekah M, but mostly just wants to keep kissing her.
• Arie takes Becca K into his room and presumably talks to her, but we just see them make-out.
• Lauren B, whose favorite color is burgundy and likes her coffee with coconut milk calls Arie basic for taking his coffee with cream and sugar.  Sure, LB.

During all this, Krystal decides to make an appearance right as Bekah M is mocking her voice.  The girls grill her for a while, and she ends up leaving without seeing Arie.  Arie gives Lauren B the group date rose and that's that.

"I've been waiting for you to push me against something."

Tia gets the second one-on-one date this week, and because ABC doesn't believe in stereotyping, she and Arie go to a swamp and eat fried things.  They go to an "old nautical antique place" for dinner where Tia told Arie she was falling in love with him despite not being able to make eye contact.  This gets her the rose.  We learn a couple of things about Tia on this date: she has a doctorate in physical therapy, she goes frogging, and he definitely watched Emily's season of The Bachelorette.

"That was glitter.  Glitter."

Three things of note happen at the cocktail party:

1. Kendall has a book of 100 questions she's compiled to get to know someone.  Arie picks 99, which is, essentially, given some circumstance, would you eat human flesh?  Arie's a no, and Kendall (the taxidermy collector who thinks the Bachelor process is taking it slow), is a yes.  Yet she still makes more sense than Jenna, whom I have yet to hear one coherent sentence from this season.
2.  Jaqueline is a contestant on this season.  She's pretty and I'm pretty sure just showed up tonight.
3. Krystal talks to some of the girls and says she feels hurt like seventy thousand times.  No one has a successful conversation with her, and Bekah M shows her age by relentlessly mocking her voice.  She does talk with Arie, who seems to be over her.  She tries to explain her actions with some story about growing up in a bowling alley and that's somehow related to her trust issues and why she threw a fit on the group date.  She also tries to be cute and tells Arie this is their first fight.  "It could be our last fight," Arie responds, surprising everyone with an interesting line for once.

Time for the rose ceremony.  Krystal gets the last rose, annoying everyone who seem to forget that villains must stick around for dramatic two-on-one dates, and we have yet to have one of those.  Girls we lost this week: Maquel, who was flown out to be flown home, plus Marikh and Ashley, because we know a white girl's gonna win this thing, so why keep up pretenses of diversity?

The credits rolled over Arie being grilled by a team of bowling grandmas who were suuuuuper into the fantasy suites.