"I, like, literally can't watch"

Let's jump right in.  The first date of the episode is a group date.  Maquel, Jaqueline, Lauren B., Tia, Marikh, Bekah M., Bibiana, and Krystal are going to be GLOB, the Gorgeous Ladies of the Bachelor.  The Bachelor version of GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wresting), with some of the original GLOW - Babe the Farmers Daughter and Little Egypt, who neither I nor any of the girls have ever heard of.  They start to train them in fake, dramatic fighting moves and Arie does the worst somersault I think I've ever seen.  Apparently GLOW is mostly choreographed trash talking, and the pro ladies do the whole thing in character which is fine until one of them is giving Bibiana a hard time and makes fun of her name which seems racist?  Then they yell at Tia and pull her hair, and it was supposed to get the girls in the right mood, but was just uncomfortable to watch.

Anyway, the girls all get personas and silly costumes (Bekah the sex kitten, Maquel the lunch lady, Krystal the cougar, Jaqueline Miss Arkansas, Marikh the gold digger, Lauren B. the prom queen or something in a pink dress, Tia the southern belle, and Bibiana the bridezilla) and then fight, starting with Arie the Kissing Bandit who gets to fight Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, Vegas wrestler slash contestant on Rachel's season.

That evening, they go to a touristy fancy trailer park place.  Arie tells the ladies he enjoyed watching them and seeing who was friends and who weren't, which is kind of an odd thing to say to eight of your girlfriends.  Krystal steals him off first, much to everyone, especially Bibiana's chagrin.  Bibiana complains about Krystal to anyone who will listen, including Arie, which, is like a Bachelor 101 no-no.  Arie kisses some other girls and gives Bekah M. the group date rose.

The one-on-one this week was with Lauren S.  Arie takes her to Napa where whey drink wine on strategically placed barrels around Hall Winery.  They chit chat and Lauren S. babbles at Arie.  She's nervous and doesn't feel like she's able to be herself and wouldn't give herself the rose if she was in Arie's position.  She's pretty perceptive.  Arie doesn't give her the rose.

A producer walks into the mansion to pick up Lauren S.'s suitcases and the other girls freak out.  Caroline starts crying, and Krystal monologues about how she tried to give Lauren S. advice, which no one appreciated.

Ashley, Becca K., Brittany, Jenna, Caroline, Chelsea, and Annaliese get to meet Bastian, Arie's dog, on the next group date.  In addition to bumper cars, it appears that Annaliese is also afraid of dogs, so I guess she's just going to cry on every date.  The girls learn how to do tricks with dogs and then put on the worst dog show ever, with Chris Harrison and Fred Willard commentating.  That night they go to an old bank where Arie seems to kiss everyone except Annalise.

At the cocktail party, Bibiana sets up a telescope and couch to woo Arie, so of course Arie "stumbles upon" this set up and makes out with like seven other girls on it.  Arie tells Bekah M. she's risky and Bekah M. tells him it's because he knows she doesn't need him.  He doesn't really have a response to that, so he kisses her.  Arie and Tia sit on hay bales and drink moonshine (which "tastes like gasoline in a good way") and make-out.  Annaliese tries to get Arie to kiss her, but it fails.  Later, she just straight up asks Arie if he sees anything with her.  He says no, so she leaves.

The rose ceremony happens, and Bibiana joins Lauren S. and Annaliese in going home this week.  She's sad and pissed, but don't worry girl, you're a lock for Bachelor in Paradise.