Becca and "it's ingenuinity"

We again start the episode with Becca talking about Arie, this time voiced over her biking in LA rather than wandering in snowy MN.

Group Date #1: Obstacle Course inspired by marriage clichés
For the first date of the season, Clay, Nick, Chris (inexplicably called Chris R. even though he's the only Chris this season), David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln meet up with Becca at some place called Saddlerock Ranch.  There are tuxedos and champagne waiting and Becca awkwardly spins around while they all change.  Jordan decides to show off his modeling and gives Becca some confidence, telling her to "put the confidence on" before her pantyhose.

All dressed up, Becca leads the guys to a field where Rachel and Bryan are waiting to introduce them to "Groom's Day," a silly obstacle course with obstacles:

• ball and chain (literally drag a heavy ball on a chain)
• cold feet (sit in an ice bath for the length of an egg timer)
• slippery slope (climb up a greasy staircase)
• get over your exes (climb through some wooden X's, grab a bouquet, and put it in a bucket vase)
• cake tasting (dig through a cake without using hands to find a ring)
• race to the altar (run to propose to Becca)

Lincoln takes an early lead, mainly because he cheated on the cold feet part, if you ask any of the other guys.  He wins and gets photo with Becca.  That evening, he steals Becca first because they're married and they got married and married married married.  Lincoln tells Becca she brings out the best in him.  She asks why and he just says he's comfortable around her.  She kisses him and gives him a framed photo from the date.  He's thrilled.  Like, way too thrilled.  He says, and you can't make this shit up, "Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold" and dude needs to pump on the brakes a bit.  Anyway, Lincoln rejoins the other guys, displaying his photo next to the group date rose.  Other guys are not thrilled.  Becca chats with some of the guys while Connor gets more an more agitated about Lincoln's photo to the point that he throws it out the window.  Becca has her last drama-free moment of the season kissing Jean Blanc before Lincoln brings photogate to her attention.  Sure, what Connor did was pretty shitty, but Lincoln hams it the fuck up, saying he feels threatened physically and says he's heartbroken and also cries.  I'm all for men showing emotions, but Lincoln is a bit extra.  Becca confronts Connor who stumbles through explaining why he did it.  Becca says she wants a guy who respects other people and stuff and Connor is embarrassed.  Jean Blanc gets the Group Date Rose and they all go home.

The next morning, Lincoln is telling the other guys about photogate and starts sobbing.  Jordan thinks this shows "ingenuinity."  Male models don't need to learn stuff good, I guess.

One-on-One Date: Were you guys aware that Becca has a Ex?
Blake gets the one-on-one date this week.  They take a limo to an abandoned looking warehouse where Chris Harrison is waiting with a sledgehammer.  Their date involves smashing things from Becca and Arie's relationship: a race car, champagne, monitors showing the proposal, and even the couch that Arie broke up with Becca on.  Oh, and Lil John is going to serenade them with "Turn down for what" peppered with some lyrics about Arie.

Their evening portion is pretty bland: they have a nice conversation; Blake gets the rose, a kiss, and a steamy make-out session in an alley.

Group Date #2: Any excuse to make the guys wear short-shorts
Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton get picked up in a yellow school bus for their date.  They roll up to a school where Becca greets them and introduces them to their trainers: three kids.  Three kids who just verbally abuse them while they run around the gym and practice being pummeled with dodgeball.  "Trash!" one kid yells at them, "Do you think Becca wants trash!?"  It's pretty great, actually.  They scrimmage.  The team with Becca decides the best strategy is to hide being Becca since the other guys are hesitant to hurt her.  Christon give zero fucks and just pelts her with the balls.  This is not all just for good fun: the guys are going to compete in front of an audience of screaming Bachelor fans.  It's Neon Pink vs the Green Frogs.  The Green Frogs dominate, but it's close, thanks only to Leo, who singlehandedly wins won and almost wins the other two as well.

That evening, the winners jokingly ask if they need to hide the trophy.  Becca chats with each of them, and since they won't fight each other to make this date exciting, someone has to tell Becca something dramatic... and that someone is Colton.  Turns out, he spent a weekend with Tia (Becca's friend and Arie's fourth runner up).  This makes Becca "feel a little bit sick."  She's mostly annoyed because Colton is super hot and she was hoping to keep him around until the fantasy suites and now she has to worry about her friend's feelings.  Becca gives Wills the group date rose and goes to sulk pensively in the dark.

Cocktail Party, or, "We have a naked male model"
Becca has some nice moments with some of the guys, but the night is basically all about Jordan, who decides to come out wearing just some boxer briefs, knowing full well it will put a target on his back. He says "tick tock, let's make it rock," and I really have no idea what he meant by that.  He interrupts Becca and David chatting, so David is going to be the one taking the fall for complaining about Jordan not being here for the right reasons in some future episode for sure.

"I don't want you to misinterpret me as some guy thats, like, 007 all the time," Jordan monologues at Becca, "'cause I'm not.  There's a lot to me.  I'm really wild, I'm very spontaneous, I like to speed."  Jordan goes on to say he likes to live life on the edge but "like a gentleman" as his hair will be "well-kept."  He then loses me on some tangent about wanting a mini-me he can call Jordy who will sit on his shoulder and what, now?  Meanwhile, David is pissed and confronts Jordan when he returns.  He asks is he's more than a model, and Jordan doesn't really have an answer to that.  He does tell the camera that if they took an IQ test, he'd "pass it [...] a little higher than you think a male model would," which is not very high Jordan, so, not too impressive there.  David says he hopes Becca sees the"'ingenuine " side of Jordan, and Jordan responds with "it's ingenuinity," and someone buy these boys a dictionary.

So anyway, Jordan wears a pink blanky to the rose ceremony and claims showing his fashion and skin should guarantee him a rose.  That, and he's one of less than 100 Wilhelmina Male Models in the US, which is supposed to be impressive, I guess.  He somehow gets a rose, and Becca sends Rickey, Trent, and Alex home, who we barely know.

Becca and The 'Sea of Highway Patrol Officers'

We start this season with sad music and sobbing, followed by pensive walks in the snow, culminating in Becca driving a red convertible to uplifting music in a leather jacket with roses all over.  After being blindsided by Arie's break-up and returning home to Minnesota for a bit, Becca is ready to find love again.  Kaitlyn, Jojo, and Rachel are awaiting Becca at the Bachelor Mansion to remind her to "*bleep* Arie" and "trust [her] gut" and point out where they smooched their current fiances on night one.  Rachel and Jojo also want to sage the house.  Kaitlyn is confused "why do you light a big doobie and throw it around the room?"  Good question.  She doesn't find out since they set off the fire alarm and go outside to say cheers and drink champagne.

Things we learned from the intro videos:

• Clay is a biracial football player who cooks for his extended family.
• Garrett is a big goofball who loves all things outdoors.
• Jordan is a "pensive gentleman" who takes modeling incredibly seriously and looks like a douchey Ken Doll.
• Lincoln is originally from Nigeria and the US is different from there.
• Joe is an adorable Chicagoan who owns a grocery store and knows his tomatoes, but women? "Not so much."
• Jean Blanc reaaalllly likes fragrances.  He also dissed Trump, which I almost missed due to bleeping, saying that Port-au-Prince is "not a shithole" (it's where he's from).
• Colton is your Classic hot dude who played football, got injured, and now runs a non-profit helping kids with Cystic Fibrosis (which his cousin was born with).  Oh, and he has a big ol' black lab, so basically he's perfect.

Limo Entrances

Chris Harrison greets Becca: "This is now your mansion."
And now, the men:

• Colton brings giant confetti poppers and Becca thinks he's handsome.
• Grant tells Becca he respects what she went through, but they should forget about all that and have a good time.
• Clay makes like 8 puns about "catches" - including that she'd be the biggest catch of his life (and he's a football player, so he's made some big catches before).
• Jean Blanc teaches Becca how to say "Let's do the damn thing" in French and she thinks he smells good.
• Connor kneels and recreates Becca's limo entrance from Arie's season.

I do find it fitting that she wore black for
Arie's night one, and white for her own.

• Joe completely forgets what he was planning to say, so he tells Becca that.
• John's grandmother told him love can happen overnight, because it happened to her and his grandfather.
• Leo goes in for a handshake, but Becca is a hugger.  He tells her they should let their hair down and pulls his hair out of a bun.  Becca comments that he has better hair than she does.  He has better hair than everyone.
• Jordan tells Becca he's already having a good time.  He goes inside and gets one polite comment about how he looks good, and informs the other men that he spent 6 hours putting together this outfit.  The next limo entrances are accompanied by interviews with Jordan talking about how he picked out the specific articles to be unique, and shots of other dudes showing how un-unique his choices are.
• Ricky lists "all the adjectives" describing Becca.
• Alex also compliments Becca.
• Nick shows up in a car racing suit, says this is stupid, and rips it off.
• Mike shows Nick's Arie reference up by bringing a life-size cardboard cutout of Arie so he can see how happy she is.
• Garrett rolls up in a minivan filled with soccer balls and car-seats, to which Becca responds, "that was good!"

Ok, but for a show about a woman wanting to get married in like a month,
how has this entrance not been done before?!

Now we have the five guys Becca already met at Arie's After the Final Rose:

• Blake outdoes his horse entrance, riding in on an ox (his feelings are already "strong as an ox").
• Lincoln's birthday was on ATFR, so he brought some cake for them to share.
• Chase makes puns about this being "all about the chase."
• Darius says he's not as nervous as before.
• Ryan does not have his Banjo.

And back to meeting new men:

• Christon's entrance was unmemorable.
• Wills informs Becca that he's a closet nerd.  She says she's just a nerd.
• Jason shows Becca his and his friends' secret handshake, making it not really a secret handshake anymore.
• Kamil tries to make a healthy relationships meet in the middle by having her walk some of the way to him joke, but ruins it trying to make her come 60 to his 40.  It's a bit cringe-worthy and Becca is not impressed.
• Jake is immediately recognized by Becca who says "that's so weird" since they apparently run in the same Minneapolis social circles.
• Trent leaps out of the back of a hearse, informing Becca that he "literally died" when he heard she was the Bachelorette, but now he's back to life.
• Christian says something nice and spins her.
• David is the token costume guy, and he doesn't disappoint.  Dressed as a chicken, he clucks his way toward Becca, altering 'Ba-caw' to 'Becca' by the time he reaches her.  And then makes chicken puns.  I have to add that throughout these limo entrances, we are treated to Jordan just ripping the other guy's clothing choices apart.  Chicken guy shows up and Jordan is speechless.  He literally can't even with a chicken suit.

Not here to ruffle feathers, here to be eggcellent.

• Chris brings a gospel choir to impress Pastor Uncle Gary.  They sing a song that must've been written for this show since it's about bringing roses to heaven.

We get the typical montage of men milling about, commenting on how beautiful and funny and great Becca is, followed by the typical toast from the Bachelorette about how hopeful she is and how much love she has to give.  She barely takes a sip, and Connor pops up out of nowhere and steals her away first.  Jordan is convinced he dropped his playbook and Connor picked it up and the fact that Jordan is so concerned by his playbook makes me literally unable to even.  Leo has the best take I've heard on the stealing-first guy: "there's an old real estate saying.  You never buy your first house."

Clay has Becca play with clay (which looks like it's probably play-doh).  John informs Becca he made Venmo.  Christon dunks a basketball by jumping over Becca's head and the guys are begrudgingly impressed.  Jean Blanc reads Becca a poem he wrote and had engraved on a candle lid.  We learn that Joe got into the grocery business by wholesaling watermelons, which I find fascinating for some reason.  Chris Harrison spooks the guys by bringing in the first impression rose.  Lincoln gives her a bracelet from Nigeria.  David the chicken has a good conversation with Becca (after doing the chicken dance with her, obviously) which I'm sure pissed Jordan off as he refused to even talk to him.  Wills has an "Expecto Patronum" tatoo, which Becca reads as "Expecto Patronus" which casts a shadow of doubt on her being a "nerd."  Garrett teaches Becca a little fly fishing while the other guys scoff, leading to one of my favorite exchanges of the episode:
"Wonder if he's catching anything."
"Feelings."

Seriously though, Christon was straight up impressive.

Everything seems to be going smoothly, so it must be time for some  ~DRAMA~
Chris pulls a couple guys aside to ask some advice.  When ATFR aired, a friend of his texted him about Chase, saying she used to date him and that he's not going on this show for the right reasons.  Chris wants to know if he should bring it up with either Chase or Becca.  The other guys encourage him to confront Chase, so he does.  Chase responds that he and Danielle only date briefly a long time ago and that he's totally here for the right reasons.  Chase is upset, and decides he should tell Becca about this before Chris gets a chance to.  Becca asks what the texts said, and Chase doesn't know, so they bring in Chris to elaborate.  Chase keeps saying it was like two years ago and she's not really an ex since they only went on a few dates and he'd expect this from his two exes, not Danielle, which doesn't sound suspicious at all, Chase.  Becca, now thinking about guys being here for the wrong reasons, pulls Jake aside to ask why he's never pursued her before since they run in the same social circles.  He claims he has only one "conscious memory" of meeting Becca and he had a "transformative year" so Becca should give new Jake a chance.  Becca never felt they had anything before and sends him packing.  She goes back in to let the rest of the men know why he left, and they're all "holy hell" and "this is getting real".

The night is almost over, so Becca grabs the first impression rose and bestows it on Garrett, and they share the first kiss of the season.  The rose ceremony happens, and all of the guys are nervous that the chicken guy will get a rose and they won't.  Jordan claims that him not getting a rose would be "the biggest upset of all time," and if that didn't sound narcissistic enough, follows with him going home would be "unfair to Becca."  Good Grief, Douche Ken Doll.

I mean, she had to pick the guy in the $3,000 suit.  C'mon!

Who we lost this week:
Minneapolis Jake, 60-40 Kamil, wrong reason Chase, #GroceryStoreJoe, and then Christian, Darius, and Grant, who I had to look up to have their names in this list.

A Quick Summary of Becca's Men

It's almost time!  Becca K, here on out just known as Becca, will be debuting as our Bachelorette in a little over a week.  Well, I guess whatever second debuting is called, since technically she met four of these dudes at Arie's ATFR.

A summary of the men vying for Becca's hand in a proposal that may or may not last:

If ABC's choices are any indication, Becca has a thing for jocks.

One guy is from Becca's home state of Minnesota.  The rest are mostly from California (10 dudes) and Florida (7 dudes) with the remaining from Colorado (3), Illinois (2), and then one each from Georgia, Nevada, Washington, New York, and Ohio.

These guys are MUCH more age appropriate than Arie's season: Becca is 27 and her guys are 25-31 with an average age of 28.  A good third of them aren't white.

The weirdest "occupation" is social media participant, which is like the least unique way to describe someone, especially someone on this show that guarantees a little bit of Instagram fame.  The guy is actually in real estate and models part time, so who knows what the story is there.  There's also a "colognoisseur" who is really in finance and is named Jean Blanc and of course a guy names Jean Blanc is into something like cologne.

Overall, from a like two sentence bio each, they seem like an athletic, well educated group, so I have high hopes that are likely to be dashed if ABC has anything to do with it.

See all the suitors here: http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette/cast

"Arie is a wanker"

We start this Live Finale Day Two off with a lengthy recap of Arie proposing to and then breaking up with Becca, as if we didn't just watch it the night before.

We see a montage of Becca going home to snowy Minnesota and being sad.  Then we see Arie having a panic attack in front of Lauren's house.  He shouldn't have worried- Lauren practically throws herself at him when he knocks on the door.  They apparently have talked on the phone, so she knows he broke it off with Becca.  Lauren says it's been tough.  Arie says he let logic win over his heart and that he's "1000 percent" over Becca.  She forgives him and hints that she wants to get engaged.

Chris Harrison talks to Bekah, Tia, Kendall, Sienne, and Caroline, who all claim they love Lauren, but man, does Arie suck.  They all agree he probably should have broken the engagement off camera and Sienne says it was especially shitty of Arie to get affirmation from Lauren before breaking his engagement.  He was making it sound like a huge risk, but really, he knew he'd still get Lauren.  They all bash Arie for a while, and then Becca comes out.  She gets a standing ovation, and Chris Harrison talks about how fans just LOVE her.  There are apparently billboards up in Minneapolis and LA, and someone started a "buy Becca a drink" fundraiser which raised over $6,000.  Becca says she'll donate it to the non-profit Stand Up to Cancer.  Chris says ABC will match the donation.  So at least something good is coming out of this dumb show.

Arie comes out next to face Becca.  They chat and he says he regrets proposing when he wasn't 100% sure.  Becca says she's ready to close this chapter of her life.  Since Arie's not the first Bachelor to break up with his final pick and get together with the runner up, we get an interview with Jason and Molly Mesnick who have been married for 8 years.  They say it was easier back then since there was no social media.  Jason says Arie seems like a nice guy, but being on this show can really mess you up.  Arie says he's just trying to do what's best for him.  Then they bring Lauren out.  Chris says to her, "I can't imagine what's going through your head right now," to which Lauren responds, "yeah, me neither," so I guess we'll never know.

Chris talks to Lauren - she's completely forgiven Arie and is so in love.  Arie proposes to a fairly tepid response from the audience, which includes both Lauren and Arie's families.  That wrapped up quickly and it's on to announcing our next Bachelorette.  Unsurprisingly, Becca has been chosen.  The other girls from Arie's season come up to gush about Becca.  And then, like they did for Rachel's season, they set up a Bachelor Mansion backdrop, and Becca meets five of her suitors:

1. Lincoln has a bowtie and an accent and a very long speech.
2. Chase wants to be Becca's open door (from the "one door closes, another opens" cliche).
3. Ryan has a banjo and sings a song about Becca.
4. Darius apologizes on behalf of the male gender.
5. Blake comes out with his horse Bradley so he can help Becca get back on the horse, so to speak.

And that's it for Season 22 of The Bachelor!

"Well you finally saw me cry."

Rather than promising us the most dramatic finale ever, Chris Harrison starts this show promising us that "Arie is about to become the most controversial bachelor in history!"  And he was right, if you define controversial as most people ended up being pissed off at Arie's actions.  It ended up being a pretty one sided controversy.  But let's get into it!

Back in Peru, Lauren B. and Becca K. meet Arie's family.  Lauren goes first.  She "hope[s] that [she doesn't] freak out and act weird."  She doesn't and Arie's family loves her.  Turns out they'll like Becca just the same, but it doesn't seem like that to Becca since every one of Arie's family mentioned Lauren while talking to her.  This does not please Becca since she and Lauren are like "an apple and a starfish" and I really want to know which one she thinks she is.

After meeting both potential daughter-in-laws, the family debriefs.  They tall Arie he can't make a wrong choice.  Arie pontificates and says it makes more sense and has been easy with Becca, but there's an undeniable love with Lauren.  Mom tells him Becca is the smart choice.  Arie just doesn't know and keeps repeating how this is the biggest decision of his life since it will change his life FOREVER (but more realistically, for the next 4-6 months).

For some reason, Chris Harrison has Caroline from this season on to chat about this situation.  She says pretty much exactly what she said at Women Tell All.  She adds that she doesn't think Arie knows what he wants, which isn't really an interesting take considering we just heard Arie monologue about not knowing what to do.

Lauren gets a pretty cool last date - Arie takes her to Machu Picchu.  They make out among ruins and Arie comments how Lauren has really opened up and relaxed after he told her he loved her.  Which makes sense, considering that's like the biggest rule on this show: the lead can't say I love you!  So if he says it, it must mean something.  Lauren is afraid of losing Arie, but is pretty sure he'll pick her since he's reassured her so much and has really given her no reason to think otherwise.

Chris Harrison now asks Sienne and Bekah M. their thoughts on the situation.  Sienne thinks Arie was looking for reassurance from his family about picking Lauren and didn't get it.  Bekah says if Arie is this conflicted, he probably shouldn't propose (no duh).

Becca gets a boring last date compared to Lauren.  They do a standard one-on-one date of walking around a foreign market.  They do get to pet some cute alpacas.  Becca gives Arie a scrapbook of cute couple picks (with empty pages for their wedding and future babies) and reads him a love letter.  Arie feels overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do.

Back in the studio, Chris Harrison has brought on Ben, who also told two women he loved them, and Jason, who broke up with his final pick and asked the runner up for another chance (they are now married).  Ben says Arie has to own up to what he's done.  Jason says he should just be himself (even though that doesn't seem to be working out for Arie).

Arie's feeling guilty about giving confidence to both women and still doesn't know what to do.  He meets with Neil Lane anyway and gets a ring.

Lauren gets the first rose ceremony.  She gives Arie an I love you/I finally found what I've been looking for speech, to which Arie shakes his head and says he can't go through with it.  Lauren doesn't know what to say.  Arie says he did fall in love with her.  Lauren says she's confused.  Arie "feel[s] a little bit like a monster right now" and Lauren "feel[s] betrayed."

Becca's rose ceremony is a bit happier, seeing as Arie proposes to her and gives her the final rose.  Becca is thrilled, obviously, and Arie seems happy.  Chris Harrison's been promising us DRAMA though, so we know this isn't going to end well.

We get a nice montage of Arie and Becca doing cute couple-y things.  Becca is interviewed, excited about a "happy couples weekend" she and Arie are about to have.  Arie is interviewed and he's (dun dun dun) planning to call off the engagement because he keeps thinking about Lauren.

Chris Harrison tells us this will be the "most emotional scene ever" and that they are going to show us it in it's un-cut entirety.

We get a nice split screen once Arie and Becca sit down, so we can see both of their faces.  Arie tells Becca she's everything he's wanted, but he can't stop thinking about Lauren.  Becca responds, appropriately: "are you fucking kidding me?"  She takes off the ring and Arie continues to babble about how conflicted he was and how he's been struggling.  She eventually say's "Ok, I'm done" and walks away.  Arie follows, to which Becca says, "I'm not gonna, like, hug you goodbye."  He still wants to talk.  Becca is not having it.  She asks him to leave.  He lingers.  She tells him to go.  He sits on the couch.  This goes on and on for a while and it is extremely uncomfortable to watch.  He FINALLY goes for real and Becca cries some more.

Back with Chris Harrison and out live studio audience, Becca gets a lot of cheering.  Chris Harrison promises us that tomorrow, Becca will see Arie for the first time since that break up.  Plus Lauren will be there.  Caroline, Bekah, Sienne, Tia, and Kendall all run up to hug Becca.

After the Final Rose Part Two will be recapped in my next post, as this is getting long.

"He has huge f***ing balls or he's f***ing crazy"

Kendall is up first for the Fantasy Suite dates.  They go dune buggying and surfing on large sand dunes in Peru.  It looks like fun.  Kendall, though, is worried about not being able to get to the point in their relationship to accept a proposal.  During the evening portion of the date, she does tell Arie she's falling in love with him, and Arie, at this point sounding like a broken record, tells yet another girl he's falling for her.  Arie pulls out the Fantasy Suite card, and they go have some uninterrupted, camera-free time.  We can infer that they had sex, since Kendall's response to Arie in the morning when he asks how she feels after last night is "you're dirty," to which Arie responds, "emotionally, not physically."  They make-out a bit and repeat to each other that they're falling in love before Arie has to go on his next date.

Lauren B. is up next.  They fly around and look at Nazca lines.  It's the Paris date all over again- she has walls up and says it's been hard and she's thought about leaving.  Arie is concerned.  That evening though, they break through a wall, and Arie tells her he loves her and she says she loves him back.  The rest of the evening and the morning after their Fantasy Suite is mostly them making out and saying I love yous.

Becca gets the last date, and they ride around on a catamaran and then go out on the dunes at night.  She says I love you and Arie pulls a Ben H and tells a second girl he loves them.  Their Fantasy Suite is a tent on the dunes, and have a morning picnic in the sand filled with more I love yous.

Now for the real drama: some guy shows up to win back his girl!  This guy is named Ross and goes to Arie first.  He has a monologue about how he heard Becca was on the show and that the show ends in a proposal and he started reaching out to everyone he could and then flew a red-eye to Peru when he found them.  He also mentioned multiple times that he would have swam there if he had to.  Arie asks him some questions, so we find out that Ross and Becca dated for 7 years and broke up a year ago.  Arie is angry, and Ross runs off to find Becca.  Becca is not thrilled to see him.  He gives a little speech about wanting her back and she tells him they aren't living in The Notebook.  It is clear Becca is not going to run off with him, so, to his credit, Ross says "I wish you guys the best; I had not business being here."  Becca goes to check in with Arie to make sure this doesn't ruin her chances with him.

And now time for what I can only imagine is the most awkward of rose ceremonies: all of them know the other two women there probably just slept with Arie too.  Arie pulls Kendall aside to break up with her.  Kendall cries in the leaving car, while Arie gives Lauren and Becca roses and an awkward toast.

Next week we're promised lots of this:

(sorry for the terrible quality- I just took a picture of my computer screen...)

"But this is the Bachelor!"

Women Tell All this season should have just been called Women Rehash the Same Drama We Already Saw.  They really just had the women explain some drama, yell a bit, and then moved on to the next drama reenactment.

First drama to consider: glam-shaming.  As Brittany T said, "it's not a real thing!", but here we are.  The girls argue pointlessly about this, to no resolution.

Chris Harrison moves on and tries to bring up the Bekah's age drama by calling out Tia for telling Arie she didn't think Bekah was ready for marriage.  Bekah gets defensive and starts to lecture Krystal, which just turned into everyone yelling at Krystal, so she gets brought up to the hot seat.

Krystal basically doubles down on defending her behavior and everyone else just gets more and more worked up.  Caroline yell-cries at her, Bekah makes a lot of faces, and Krystal concludes by changing the topic completely and saying her homeless brother saw her on the Bachelor and didn't realize people cared for him and is now getting help.

Sienne get's pulled up to the front to be complimented, basically.  She tells Chris Harrison she's single and dating, so if he knows anyone he should send them her way!  To which Chris Harrison replies, "it is what I do!"

After that nice little interlude, it's back to the drama with Bekah M, to yet again defend her age.  If Bekah didn't get so defensive and wasn't so hyper, I'd almost believe her.  She's perfect for Bachelor in Paradise though, and Chris Harrison agrees.  After bringing up the crazy story of how Bekah ended up on a missing persons list in Humboldt County (she went to a pot farm, didn't have reception, and her mom freaked out), Chris Harrison makes Bekah call her mom on speaker phone and tells her "there's a good chance she'll be missing for two weeks this summer."

Tia, being the last girl here that got sent home, gets brought up to the hot seat to audition for the Bachelorette talk about how Arie broke her heart but that she's ready to find love again.

Last up, Arie has to face 18 of his ex girlfriends.  They allude to some DRAMA yet to come, with Caroline ominously saying to Arie, "I know what you did.  And I don't know how you could do that, and I just really don't understand."  More on that presumably next week...

Before we move on to Bloopers, Krystal inserts herself back into the hot seat to ask why Arie's goodbye was so cold.  Arie responds that looking back (after watching her on the show), his goodbye was pretty appropriate.  Oh, and apparently she told the other girls that Arie has a small penis, which wasn't clear because they kept bleeping something, but context clues leads me to believe the words were "needle dick."  So that happened.

Then we actually get the bloopers which included lots of girls scared by insects and Arie messing up in interviews and saying "merp."  After the bloopers, we are inexplicably joined by John Cena, who we shortly learn is there with Leslie Mann and Ike Barinholz to promote their new movie Blockers.  Then they try to make a Bachelor crossover of women getting "blocked" from stealing Arie from other girls.  It's a bit lame, but the movie they are promoting also looks a bit lame, so what can you do?