"You sit at home and judge other people and are like 'I'm fine'"

Thank you, Amy Shumer, for summing up why it's fun to watch the Bachelorette (especially when single).

My feelings exactly, Amy.

And now, ten things we learned from this week on the Bachelorette:

1. If you ask a bunch of men who are competing to date you to literally fight for you, someone WILL get hurt.
2. "If she says you take my breath away and you're SCUBA diving, that's drowning"
3. If you want a group date rose, having a dead mom trumps being a single dad.
4. Some guys apparently think being smug and cocky is attractive, when in fact it makes you look like a turd.
5. Every kiss begins with Ka(itl)y(n).
6. No one understands Tony.  I believe when he said "Love is perennial as the grass," what he actually meant was "I am perennialy high on grass."
7. Kaitlyn likes movies and movie quotes, guys!  Wow, thanks Kupah, for revealing this about her- I just love learning unique things about people!  Girls usually hate movies and movie quotes! Kaitlyn's such a catch!
8. Saying "But you're hot" is not going to win you back a girl.
9. To be continued... is still the worst way to end an episode.
10. Britt and Brady are together!  No one cares!  Bring back the bloopers in the credits, ABC, I don't need to see more montages of Britt and Brady sharing ice cream.

In other Bachelor news:

In a shocking turn of events, Chris and Whitney break-up rumors might actually be true now!  Sad day for Bachelor Nation.

"It's all fun and games until Chris Harrison shows up"

This season is going to be SO dramatic, they had to set the stage with a two-night season premiere!
Some thoughts on the "awkward and probably a bit painful" episodes:

• I would never want Chris Harrison to break bad news to me.  Or good news.  Or any news.
• Britt didn't get to take a moment and say her good byes!
• How awkward would it be if Kaitlyn ends up with a guy who totally came for Britt?
• Are they going to have a side story in the credits about Britt and the singer-songwriter who is terrible at singing?
• Cupcake car/Dentist definitely had the best entrance.  Car pool wasn't half bad either, but then he tried to reason with the drunk guy and is an amateur sex coach, so it went downhill from there.
• "I would love to puck you."  Way to take a leaf out of Kaitlyn's book and use an inappropriate punny pick-up line, JJ!
• I wonder where the Chris Harrison riding a Triceratops and wielding a rose drawing is now?
• "I guess you can't judge a book by it's cupcake."  Tony should leave the jokes to Kaitlyn.
• So Kaitlyn's going to sleep with someone (or if it's Nick, "make love") and then tell everyone?  Just leave that in the ocean like Juan Pablo did, and avoid a horrendously awkward situation.
• Whatever Kaitlyn does though, I doubt it will be as embarrassing for her as Drunk "you suck" Ryan's 15 minutes of fame.  He was really good at not spilling his drink when falling all over the pool, but also really good at being an A-grade douchebag.

I haven't learned their names yet, but the men Kaitlyn kept this week are:  three ethnic dudes, cupcake car-dentist, #CreepyTony the healer, Kuna guy with the welded rose, Edward Norton look-a-like, first impression rose guy who believes he fell in love at first sight, southern accent, honest about choosing Britt "LoveMan," and some guys who look like they came out of stock photos.  I think there are multiple Ben's and two dudes with kids who's names are something like Skye and Aurora Borealis.  

1 Week To Go!

Dear Readers,

Welcome to my Bachelor Blog!  Here I will post a mash-up of recap and reaction to each drama-packed Bachelor/ette episode, starting with Season 11 of The Bachelorette, starring possibly Kaitlyn and possibly Britt!  I am 100% #TeamKaitlyn, so if the 25 men choose fake-crier Britt by putting more roses in her custom rose-shaped-hole-in-the-lid box (seriously), this blog may cease to exist.

We may have seven days until the premiere, but ABC has released the suitors, so get your brackets ready!  The 25 guys span 10 years of age, 22 different names, and two countries (thanks, Canada!).  And the winner for the best (worst?) occupation goes to that Canadian: Shawn E., the amateur sex coach!  Sex coach would be one thing (I mean, we know love guru is an occupation thanks to Chris and Carly's super awkward date last season), but the "amateur" part sounds suspect.

Most of the guys are, shockingly, relatively good-looking white dudes.  A number of them look to be pretty buff, too, so get ready for lots of shirtless scenes!

Stock up on some wine, and I'll see you next week as we judge 25 attempts at charming entrances!